The sound of music.

Monica dance.

...

..

.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Still cranks me up all the time.

It's disgusting how i come up with so many ridiculous excuses for my lazy-ness the past couple of weeks.

I just can't seem to find the motivation to sit myself down at my desk, turn OFF my computer and concentrate on the book in front of me.

Can you believe it actually took me 3 days to finish writing 4 pages of notes?!

CRAZY.

You know i,
can't smiilllllleeeee without youuuuuuu. :)

HPAPY AINVERNRASY!!

GO TO HELL.

Oh no! Am i the only person that thinks that mama mia! wasn't thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat fantastic?

Summer kisses, Winter tears
That was what she gave to me
Never thought that I'd travel all alone
The trail of memories

OCIP's 08 has ended.

I dono how to describe how i feel. It's a cocktail of emotions.

On one hand, i really love this team. And if i search my conscience, i know it's clear because whatever decisions i've made, whether right or wrong, I did it for the well-being of the team. And i can say that out proud.

But i know as time passed, especially while preparing for the final visit to the home today, i felt really tired. I felt like everyone was beginning to have this expectation of me meeting their needs and i want to meet them all but i can't. And it was beginning to drain me a little.

But while i start listening to "summer kisses winter tears" - a song sang by a very friendly resident of the home today, I start realizing how much i miss the team.

The team's a good team.
They kept their promises.
They were always around.
I really can never ask for a better team. And i hope that everyone will stay as close as they are even after the end of ocip'08.

Dear teammates, thank you very much. Thank you very much for being those responsible people you are.

Ok, so today's trip to the old folks' home was quite.. a flop. haha.. The hall was so big! The folks were less responsive than those at china and most importantly, that had a damn cool karaoke set. So, most of the team ended up having a 'kbox session' there instead. But, that's what's so cool. Even though we did not meet our target of interacting purely with the folks, 1-2 of them actually started using the mix and singing impromptu duets! And that's where " summer kisses winter tears " comes in. They were damn cool.

But because i'm not a huge fan of singing in a mic, i had the opportunity to see some of the old folks eating etc. And when you really stand there and observe them, you'll start realizing how much these old folks have gone through only to end up like that. What could they be thinking when they were eating? are they feeling sad?

One woman loved to shake hands. She was one of the friendliest folk there despite not being able to talk to anyone of us. (think she lost her ability to speak.) But one of the regulars there was telling me about how her eyes sparkled if you look into them. So when i was there to shake her hand, for the 5th - 6th time after, i looked into her eyes, and realized that they really did carry a certain kind of emotion that we can never understand..

And it brought me to my grandma.

Does she know how lucky she is?
Why does she still have to make life so difficult for everyone? Could that be... her defence machanism?

sigh.

The fire of love, the fire of love
Can burn from afar
And nothing can light the dark of the night
Like a falling star

Blessed is he who is able to sleep without having to set any alarms.

Dear Mother,

I don't like it when you use every conversation we have to praise your sons.
I don't like it when i try to share with you my experiences and you bring up their names.
I don't like it when you try to bring them and the rest of this screwed family into the badminton games I have with ks, xie and sometimes you.
I don't like it when you say yes to them for everything they demand while I have to be placed on hold.
I don't like it when HE can bum around the house while you and I pick up his mess and still here you say, " he's a good boy. "
I don't like it when you tell me there's beef in kitchen and i have to eat it in the sly because grandmother will scold whereas you bring it out in the open when HE comes down to eat 5 mins later.
I don't like it when you're unappreciative of my efforts to reduce your stress and heartaches from grandmother and your sons.
I don't like it when you promise me something and break it while giving them what you promised me just because "they are guys".
I don't like it when you wanted to hang up the phone on me when i asked for the car last night while you readily said yes to HIM when he asked for the car for the SAME night.
I don't like that you treat them like kings and me their servants.
I don't like it when relatives he refused to greet just because " he said hi to them yesterday " come over and say bye to him with such glee in their eyes and never gave me a glance even though i was seating right in front of him.
I don't like it even more when they reach the door and suddenly remember that i was there and quickly turn over to say "yvonne bye"
I don't like that you're starting to behave like grandmother.

Dear Mother,

when will you ever open your eyes?


Love your one and only daughter,
Yvonne.

sidenote: fat, i dono why i always say i want to come home when this is what i always get.

Have you heard the story of the prodigal son?

My mum's a huge fan of it.

Hell, she even practices it!

Jin,

It's amazing how quickly you read my blog coz..

SJ JUST CALLED! THEY FOUND YOUR URN! WE'RE COMING JIN!

it's been 5 years yet ever so often, we find her name being brought up in our gatherings. We could be laughing at some of her silly antics, sighing over some of the possibilities, crinching at every thought of what she went through when it happened. Whatever it is, we can't stop thinking about her.

How she left was a waste and i guess even though the tears have subsided, deep in our hearts, we're still mourning. I don't think we even want to stop. We need this to remember her by and to remind ourselves that she could be there with us.

I wonder where you'll be now if you were still around.

It's really a very frustrating feeling, not knowing where to find you. We hate to entertain the thought of not being able to pay respects to you again. But there's nothing we can do except to hope that someday, your mama will open up to someone we know.

"niJ niJ naT", we miss you. We really do. We've all grown up in some ways or another.. have you grown up too?

I bet everyone's thinking about you today too..

Time-travel. =))

Sidenote: Much congrats to Mei Hui and Chee Wei for their success in running for the 15th JCRC.

Yet another one down.

Why do all the nice people get 'rewarded' with this?

Cancer is such a scary thing.

I have weird friends.

When my room was messy, they used to say,
" Wah.. Yvonne. You don't study ah? Your room so messy, how to study? "

Now that my room's been neat, they say,
" Wah.. Yvonne. You don't study ah? Table so neat. Study what? See Jasmine's table so messy, like that then got study. "

TSK!

Team OCIP'08

Watching videos as such wil inevitably bring about a sense of nostalgia.

I guess regardless of how a trip is, a team is a team. And in general, i love these people.

It's really nice to think back of the laughters we have in the room, in the van and during "working hours". Most importantly, friendships were forged through this trips and everyone in the team is notably closer than before. :)

Yes, i know i haven' been blogging for a while. Blame it on the school! or fann wong and christopher lee. You see, i've either been busy trying to catch up with school work or more often than not, i've been busy watching return of the condor heroes. And yes, the singapore version.

It's really quite good. Except that the fightings are really messy.

anyway, they're fighting again.

Bye.

This has been what i've always wanted to do.
My dream, as some would say.
This could very well be one of the few things i've done which i never gave up on half way through.
Because, this is really what i wanna do.

This has been THE thing that i've spoke to sandy, 3sa, sj, selinalim since sec school days. This is THE opportunity that sandy knows that i've been waiting so desperately for.

But as the trip looms,
I'm starting to experience something different.

Is that fear? Worry?
Why does it seem so negative?

Are we all evading the whole purpose of the trip?
That what matters most is the people we're helping benefits from our service and we ourselves pick up learning values from it?
Are regulations, corporations and ranks driving us all crazy?

Jasmine says that the top 4 have changed. That everyone's so power driven now. That everyone's thriving more for recognition.
Sigh..maybe she's right; maybe it's true.

Don't you think that puts us to shame?

When people like Esther, like MH, like Hiang En have been telling me how excited they are for the trip. When ppl like jon changed their nick to msgs for ocipans. When ppl like mf sends me e-cards to edge me on.

I can feel and i'm touched and glad for their sincerety. But on the other hand, are WE sincere? Is authority diluting this most basic value in us? If that's the case, i don't want this power.

I just want to be sincere.

...

...

sigh.

有口难言。




What will mr tim tan do if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through.
that's what mr tim tan'd do!

It has finally come down to the last 2 days of this internship stint. And i have to say... i kinda..really... hate it here.

haha..i guess this will be the first time i'm actually not going to miss a place i'm leaving. Worry not, i'll still bid my farewells to my desk, the toilet, this laptop.. but on the whole, i'm more than excited to leave Bole.

Now that my work's ending, i really am clueless why the company still wants me to come back to work EVERYDAY when i practically have nothing to do from 845am to 6pm. I'm like online the entire day, checking liv tyler out. It's best when no one's in the office because i can use the opportunity to watch some movies online. ( by defn, some movies actually means watching the hulk 6-7 times. haha.. )

So, the trip's in a couple of days and the top few of us already had some problems here and there. I wouldn't say it's exactly bad coz at least, we can ( i hope ) get some things sorted out before we head off for a foreign land. I really hope the trip's gonna be a fruitful one to the team as well as myself. I guess the whole preparation stage for the trip really set me thinking about older days.. days in uniform.

well, more about that next time. I'm too lazy to talk right now.

bye.

It really makes no sense.

You guys really make no sense.

Sometimes, i wish i could just...


poof.

HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY LIV!
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY FAT!

Thank god for the 12 hour time lag between New York and Singapore.. now i'm able to accompany one in Singapore first before flying over to New York to satisfy the other.

HAHAHA..

Rnj!! =))

Liv Tyler singing in Sweeny Todd ( Jersey Girl )

HAHAHAHA..

Liv sure made Toby sexy.

Liv Tyler with Nintendo DS Promo

Livvvvvvv Tyyylllleerrrrrrrrrrr.

ah... so hot!

-faints-

Perhaps I need my own sanctuary.
Perhaps I need to be in solitude for a day or so.

Then maybe, things will flow like water and you all will understand better.

Perhaps.

The grass is forever greener on the other side.

Sometimes i wish that people had more faith in me,
Sometimes i wish that everyone stop expecting so much from me.

Today, i yearn for the second.

I can only do so much. I'm really not that capable at all.

Sigh.

goodnight.

:)))))))))



Every other time.

China Sichuan Earthquake * 因为爱

No matter how much tears we shed or how our hearts go out to them, we can never truly understand how the survivals must feel. especially the mothers.

Even if we're out there at ground zero, only grieve will overcome us. what we cannot experience, however, is the pain these parents must be feeling.

Although i'm no ardent advocate, pray. whatever ur religion is, pray for the victims, pray for the survivals, pray for china. They are humans too and who are we to live happily here while there are still people out there, recovering from the shock and coping with their greieves.

There are talks that YMCA may be planning for a year end volunteer trip to Sichuan to help rebuild the lives of the survivals. To those who can go, please go. To those who can't, do something you can..

Donating money may bet too taxing for some who don't have spare cash themselves. why not do this..

instead of buying ur regularheavy breakfast, grab a 'happy panda' bread from breadtalk and have it for breakfast every morning. it costs $2 and 100% of the proceeds goes to help sichuan victims.

They really don't deserve this. Do your best to help them ease their worries.

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sings
The new world begins

Heading for a burn-out.

I am an irresponsible leader.
I have failed to watch out and feel for my team.

dear bole,

i really can't cope. and i really hate you.

Love,
Yvonne.

since my return from redang, i've been burdened by really terrible headaches which makes my brain feels stiff and body weak. Worst yet, i feel like i've been possessed daily - with my eyes often not fixed on anything or mind not concentrating on anything. Sadly, and with much much regrets, i haven't been putting my best efforts in ocip and i hope with all my heart that the team understands that i just cannot find the willpower, for now, to focus because my headaches are really wearing me out. And to make matters worst, things haven't been going very well between mother and i ever since i returned home after exams.

It really gets quite depressing at times and i wish jas could be around all the time to render me support, especially when i'm at home. My heacaches are just so pain these days that i can't even properly spend time with her without letting my buring eyes and head take my concentration away from her.

It got so bad this morning that jas decided to bring me to the clinic where i learned ( and surprised to find out ) that i was still having fever after so many days. Turned out i had a viral infection from the dive trip. The doctor kinda insisted on having an mc for tomorrow. HOW I WISH I REALLY COULD USE IT TO SLACK FOR ONE MORE DAY..

But...

Unfortunately..

tomorrow's the first bloody day of intern so i can't take mc.

!@#$@#%#$@~!@

I really hate coming home now. It's like I have to force myself to be rude to my mother and to not care about my mother just so i can convince myself that i'm fine with her favourtism. And this whole fucking issue is going way overboard. It was bad enough that her attitude took a 180 degree turn ever since i came home from exams. But the ridiculous-ness of her behavior 2 days ago really turned me off and i guess the partially surpressed anger within me just escalated beyond my control. Anyhow, i guess my anger doesn't really bother her now since she has such filial sons.
Sigh,
i really wish dad could be around. I don't know if it would actually be a good thing but for now, i would really like to think of the different instances where he could have helped me while she goes ahead and love her boys. Don't misunderstand me now, I have no ill feelings towards them. I guess our r/s have improved since we were young but there are so many things which my mother are blinded from and i really wish she could open her eyes and see.

Things are only becoming so well now because of the reimbursements etc etc etc you've been receiving and flaunting. I love you mother but REALLY, you should open your eyes if not your heart.

After 52's bbq yest, jas and i stayed over at sylvia's house. It was really beautiful what with her pool table and all and i had a few good hours to see her family this morning. And the difference in their family structure struck me. It's easy to differentiate. Her family's one of love, faith and trust. Mine's more occupied with anger and being in power. I guess the greatest difference was that with a balanced family structure, they had no conflicting hieriechy between the males and the females. My family, on the end (including the extended ones), are obsessed with having male dominance. In another words, males = authority here. Yet more often than not, the past 2 generations have seen these initially powerless women suddenly thrown into the position of maintaining the family. Well, I guess I can safely say that this completely and totally screwed up the entire family culture even more.

uh oh. Here comes the pain again.

So, bye.

I wish i'm rich so i won't need to see this shit.
I wish you could open your eyes so you chould SEE better.

The mother who calls me when i'm in hall and shows that tremendous amount of concern and the mother who's sleeping behind me right now is so different.

:))))))))


Most of all, most of all,
it's built to last.

I thought because NUS's papers starts this week, it'll be a good time to mambo jumbo this wed to beat the crowd. So we started rallying people to come along and movveeeee but i went to facebook and saw this:

"Yisi Ng cant wait to MAMBO on wednesdayyy."

!!! what happened to your exams?!

haha..

Anyway, yep, the final paper has officially ended. But i'm not allowed to do anything coz she still has one paper tomorrow. ( And i'm like a jail bird now coz i can't watch show or play viwawa or play puzzle bee coz it'll distract her and i have to feed her while she studies. -_-'' )

But that's besides the point. I can't wait for tomorrow coz we're FINALLY going out of NTU. I've runned out of soap, of facial wash, of conditioner and of mouth wash. It's really high time the exams ended.

Dive Redang's coming up in 6 days. Really excited to go for advanced but kinda skeptical, i guess, about the rush. Thanks to Yvonne 51, we're able to cramp our advanced into 2 days which means we'll be damn shagged every night. Thank god sharm's gonna come with us to watch out for our safety. hope we pass hope we pass. After that, we can try for Dive Master and we'll be able to work part time!

Ok, i know i'm sounding KINDA bimbo right now.. but i'm really really psyched about having finished exams, kuishinbo ( now where did that come from? ), mambo and redang trip.

3 cheers for hiang en for planning oec!

sidenote: a million thanks to shu juan who msged me every night before my papers for luck. =))

Off to fight my final war.

There's always this glee and excitement when one goes for their final paper. So doesn't matter that i didn't really study this time.

AHAHAHAHA.

Hello yvonne goh, it's your final paper. Don't give up now!

Classic Commercial - British Airways (1990) (1:30 Version)

One of the best indeed.

Day(s) check: 5 more days to end of exams ; 6 more days to end of my baby's exams [she made me put this.] ; 11 more days to redang dive ; 3 more months to ocip, shanghai. WOO HOO!

Reality check: 3 bloody more days to imc paper ; 5 even more bloody days to Channels paper. ( which i haven't studied and don't have time to. )

Why am i still here?

In accounting,
understanding is one thing.
Application is another.

That's why i hate accounting.

BUT I STILL HAVE TO TAKE IT TML!

if god brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

You know how it's like during exams.

TV seems to be the most enticing thing in the world and no matter how stupid a show is, you'll feel like watching it just so you can escape from studying.

Well, Jasmine fell prey to it AGAIN a couple of nights ago. ( or was it every night? haha. ) Anyway, there was this very stupid zhong yi jie mu on channel U. Those i absolutely hate but jasmine and pl absolutely loves. But this time, when the tv was on, both jasmine and i jumped onto the bed immediately and stayed glued to it till the end of the show.

Not because it's the exams and not because the show was nice. But because...


WE WERE BUSY SNAPPING KL!









oh look, she likes to dance too!

How dumb.
We missed the hall application deadline.


F**K!

*sniff sniff.
*cough cough.
*sneeze sneeze.


Sigh..

Sick again.

i guess i have a knack for letting opportunities slip through my fingers.



Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well?
Well of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best?
Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need.
And you decided it?
Mmm, what you say?
What did she say?

It's scary when you realise how competitive uni is when one sits back and think of the good old days.

Have been thinking alot about those uniform days lately. As much as we hated it then, i miss the uniforms. Both the greens and the blues.

I miss kl.
I miss sj.
I miss 3sa.

I know..there are many more i am not listing but one way or another, the 3 of them have been by my side all the time. And i bet that if i were in the same classes as them now, i wouldn't feel the way i'm feeling.

I guess the best thing is, we tend to watch each other's back. And that's a virtue that everyone's losing right now. In our fight for success, for recognition and most disgustingly, results, do we find ourselves stepping on top of one another? Pushing the other person down just so he/she can be your platform to bring you closer to the top?

I do find myself doing that once in a while. Or just contemplating whether i should. It's a far cry from what others have done but i still feel guilty each time. Even if what i did was to raise myself to the other person's shoulder, i still feel guilty. And i find myself wondering if others feel guilty as well. And if they did, why are they not showing it?

Why are they blatantly telling lies in front of us when we went through it together? And why are we not saying anything to defend ourselves? Everyone's action's a big question mark.

This sem, things are a little.. different. I guess you can say that like others, i have changed too. Changed to be more detestful than before. More..unsure to make decisions. More hum to make comments. More unwilling to make the move.

Sometimes i feel that shutting my trap is a good idea coz more trouble's gonna brew if the beans were spilled. But at other times, i feel deeply framed and made used of that i just wanna scream at everyone to shut up and reflect on their own actions.

Sigh..

what's a sec sch / jc teachers' pet as compared to a uni's?

Like what the older people tend to say, " chong ming fan bei chong ming hai " ( Ie, the smarter you are, the more trouble you'll lay out for yourself. )

If only we are all as sincere, true and naive as ah wang.

=)))))))


Together, forever,
with you.

Just for laughs.

This TVC was made possible thanks to: Tricia Teo, Terence Koh, Jasmine Lee, Yvonne Tee, Tan Tze Wei, Ang Hiang En, Jonothon Cheam and Amanda Ong!

Thanks alot guys. Really appreciated it. :)

very VERY sad to hear about what happened to Felicia..

RIP.

Whether you all believe or not,
i love ocip, i love my team! :D

One year ago.

I really don't know if i can push on anymore. No, i have to!

I guess all the recent hu-has have been getting to me.

To let Yixin go, even though we're not that close, is really harder to accept than i imagined. Not in the very emo way, but more like because i know i haven't done my part to make her feel part of the team.

But before i can mourn over it, i find myself transfixed in another position which really striked me hard. I know not how to describe the exact feeling. It's like all the negative emotions mixed into one.

I'm literally pushed off my feet now. OCIP.. it's really what i wanted to do. It's really what i felt for. But what u've said.. made me lose my footing. It changed the previous statement from present tense to a (possible) past tense. I can't seem to stare at any related activites, not thinking about what u've said. If after talking to you for so long and so many times since the start still makes u feel this away about ocip, then i really shudder to think what others may feel.

Is this really how ppl judge OCIP? or is it ur one-sided judgement just to put me down at the heat of THAT moment? I guess we'll never know.

Peilin always says " that was one year ago. "

Funny as it is, it's really true.

One year ago, 52 was so close.
One year ago, we never judged.
Now one year later, everyone has their own lives.

The sad part is, i've begin to feel more on how plastic uni is. One's own life is all what one thinks about.

I sometimes think if i'm reacting too big to it. But, i really can't bring myself to look at you and not remember what you say and did. Even those i recently made friends with know, what other acceptable reasons have you not to?


sigh.

To sum it all,
i'm utterly disappointed.


sidenote: OCIP NOT = LOVEBITES! now and never will be.

It usually takes me just a day to get appeased.

But up till now, i'm still pissed.

And i'm not going to hide it this time.

Maybe it's not enough. Maybe i need more.

I may need a really looooong, undisturbed zzz to ever recover from this.

:))))))


The Leap Year. :)

Still.

Still this nostalgia, still this confusion.
I think I really need to disappear for a while to sort out my thoughts.

This fight within is tearing me apart.
It's like fighting to see who can play my personality, my trait.

On one hand, the enormous ego-filled mean green machine. On the other, the guilt of making you pay for what you've done.

Hmmm, maybe i DO have a split personality.

Anyway, today and tomorrow's KL's big dance performance. It's been a while since i last saw her. Most (i think) of the class is going to be there. One non-class member is going to be there too! And she's finally going to introduce her boy to me. haha..

All the best KL! Can't wait to see you shake the law school down. :)





So why don't we go,
somewhere only we know.

In spiderman 3, James Franco, the new globin had his head struck and lost his memory.
He looked so happy.

Sometimes i wish i was given a chance to get a clean slate. A new beginning - to right all my wrongs, to change who i am.

I hate days like today. Where i am brought into constant nostalgia, into thinking about things which i can't even recognise.

Jasmine says i'm starting to be the 'attitude' me again. Maybe i am. I'm sick of being bossed around, treated like i know nuts or that i'm totally kuku.

Most of all, i'm sick of 'fighting'. I'm sick of ur petty games.

It's time i stood firm. Stand firm with you and your 'pretty' friend.

Pride really makes one lose themselves. I'm sure it happened, happens and is happening to many. But i urge you, to somethings take a step back, and think.. " what if i'm not really the best in the world? ", " what you i'm just an old fool who thinks i'm superior, who thinks i'm in power, or who things i'm better than you? "

What if you're really not that good?

oh god.

sometimes, or most of the time, i'm sick of you guys.
And it's not only the girls. The guys as well. Or issit only you?

I'm sick of being hum.
I'm sick of being misunderstood.
I'm sick of wishing i'm the old yvonne.
I'm sick.. i'm sick.. i'm sick.. of everything!

And i'm hoping the same thing won't happen in ocip.

Like the saying of our great ol' MTT, " assumptions makes an ASS-of-U-and-ME. "
Never assume.

I have my reasons for doing things i do.

damn, i should really practice what i preach.

And games that never amount.
To more than they're meant.
Will play themselves out.

那时，有福总于realised that， 原来不开口比开口好。

TIRED.

Relections.


This story may be familiar to some. But i'm gonna repeat it nontheless.

There once was a woman who licked her envelope so as to seal it. But while doing it, she got herself a papercut. A few months later, her lip became swollen and before she knew it, cockroaches were emerging out of her lips.

Unknown to her, the envelope had cockroaches eggs on it and they hatched in the woman's lips.

Now... to link it up to what i'm trying to say:

SOH FANG HUI PAPER CUT MY LIPS TODAY! guess how frightened i am.


On a completely different topic,

It's my emo day today. Emo not in the bang-the-wall-and-cry way but more in the silent reflections way. Weird thing is, if you ask me what i was thinking about, i can never answer it. Not because i don wanna share, but because i have no idea what was in my mind as well.

It's like....blank.

But at the same time, there's something there.

Something i'm not sure if i can't recall coz i don't wanna know or coz i really don't know. ( try to decipher this sentence. haha.. )

Whatever it is, sorry to those i have been weird/tempermental to, and advance sorries to those i will be in the days to come. Try to bear with it for a while.

I need some time.

Anyhow, ocip went to do hall-to-hall tidbits selling today and on the whole, i'm very much happy, pleased and thankful to have a team like this. But to some extent, i'm afraid too. Afraid that as the team gets closer, each others flaws emerge even more and our patience with one another gets thinner.

On the other hand, i'm afraid not because of this, but because i will miss them when the whole project ends.

Remember i once said i felt like i was smoking through my life? This time, it's different. Maybe because there are people who values this as well.. it makes me wanna do more. ( whether ppl can see that or not. )

I want to make this happen.

I want.. i want.. i want.. so many things.



And i don't know,
how to be fine when i'm not.
And i don't know,
how to make this feeling stop.

sidenote: Please pardon my terrible english. i'm really zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy.

This must be how MTT felt.





when the dogs bite, when the bees sting. When i'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favourite things, and then i won't feel...
so bad.

:)))))

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

Went to City Harvest for chilli crab today. It was NEATTT! Except for the 1 hr waiting time. -_-''





Yes yes, i know i should stop gorging myself. But good food are just so tempting..muahaha.

I'm really thankful for the great team i have. Working for OCIP is probably one of the greatest experience ( other than council ) for me.

Jas is probably really sick of me for saying this.. but i think i'm lucky and blessed. Like i've said, i'm a terrible team player in lovebites and it would probably be my retribution if i have ppl like me in ocip but nooooooooo, the people there are really responsible and helpful.

i guess i probably should stop saying it least i start jinxing it with my really really foul mouth. haha..

School has approached it's 4th week. And as usual, i'm starting to be packed with projects, tutorials and endless lectures. Well, maybe not endless. But the timings are really killers. I sleep on avg 3 hours a day and by mid day, i usually find myself stealing naps before whatever activities i have planned for the night.

Sometimes, it gets pretty exhaustive. i know i might regret saying this in future.. but things have been really satisfying. I hope i don't give up half way like i usually do..

Watched 27 dresses last night. It was not too bad. Way better than i expected. Can't wait for ' PS I LOVE YOU ' to start airing. But since there's time, GO AND READ THE BOOK PEOPLE! It's REALLY good! nice nice nice! :D

a'right. time to zzz. night all!

"I am not involved."

Xie taught me this phrase over the hols. I'm not involved, i'm not involved. In matters that doesn't concern you, say, " I'm not involved. " But as the semester proceeds, i find myself sucked into numerous amounts of politics. Most of which i really am not involved..but only needed to be used as a scapegoat.

I really should consider xie's advice.

Went home over the weekend and Alvin showed me his 'birthday book'. And it looked fabulous. Undoubtedly, Alvin has very good friends. And it only makes me realise how plastic uni is.

I guess in uni, it's everyone for their own. Looks helps. And these ugly but deemed pretty people are useless when it comes to friendship and sticking through thick and thin.

All right, i'm overgeneralizing. But i bet many people feels the same as me.

That aside, i'm very happy that things @ ocip are falling into place. Last week was really intense. Maybe most people can't see it..but she can vouch that i've been running all over the place. But that doesn't matter. For when i finish meetings and discussions with the various ics, i can literally see things falling into place. And deep inside, the flame's spreading.

I'm really excited for CNY. Although my family's kinda dousing all festive mood with convenience, CNY and christmas will still always stay at the top for the list of festive seasons i like.

SOME PEOPLE may find CNY music noisy..but i beg to differ. It gives me a nostalgic feeling. :D

KL's having her dance performance thing next week. it's her BABY. haha.. Yay! Really excited to go too!

goodnight all!

I used to love organizing events, love it even more if it's for a cause i like.
And i thought u were good.
I thought i'ld enjoy.

But boy, was i wrong.

If you're so great, stop putting up a show.
If you're so great, stop taking things for granted.
If you're so great, watch what you're saying.
If you're so great, this post won't be up.


GO EAT YOUR OWN SHIT!

sidenote: i'm not talking about ocip.

Try-hards.

A couple of days back, xie decided to pick up from where we left off about 4 years ago and headed back to singing. The recordings are as below. More info will be on her blog. She promised to give me credit there!

haha..

Told you we ( or at least I ) will be your future Singapore Idol. Muahaha..

our first try:


Look at her! damn hilarious.

seventh try:


Yes i like it,
Yes i like it ,
when you're shy.

Shy that way.

:))))

Oh oh, yeah yeah.
I love you more than i can say.
I'll love you twice as much tomorrow.
oh oh, love you more than i can say.

Christmas.

It's christmas day.
A day of sharing and giving.

but i wonder..
if anyoneelse feels the same as me:

Have i failed to mention how much i hate my family?
I hate the hierachy.
I hate the bias-ness.
I hate how they change plans as and when they like.
I hate how everyone thinks they're in charge.
I hate it when they hear nothing i say but hears everythingelse they say.
I hate how everyone thinks they can manipulate me.
I hate how i am angry with some member but i cannot express it coz they're family.
I hate how my conscience bites me when i realise i hate them.
I hate how hard i try to be filial but still go unrecognised.
I hate how my family adores those who have absolutely no respect to anyone.
I hate how they make fun of me to make themselves look better.
I hate how everyone laughs when that happens.
I hate that no one here understands how i feel.
I hate that i can talk to no one in here.
And last but not least,

I hate how everyone looks down on us.


so,
a merry christmas to everyone.
and a happy hanukkah.

Baby i am missing you,
I want you by my side.
And i hope you'll miss me too.
Come back and stay.
I think about you everyday.
I really want you too.
You swept my feet right off the ground,
you're the love i found.

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.

A long time ago in a land far away,
lived the pineapple princess, Tiki.
She was sweet as a peach, in a pineapple way,
but so sad that she hardly speaky.
Still, if you listen well,
you'll hear her secret wish.

I long to free a truly remarkable fish:
my sweet prince.

Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.
Makihiki makelini-who.
Humuhumunukunukuapua'a.
ooooh,
Hawana wakawakawakaniki pu pu pu.


WAHAHAHA!

Up.

The recent increase in taxi fair sucks.

With this change, a trip from JP to hall (inclusive of midnight charge) sums to $6 and from clementi to hall (inclusive of midnight charge) is $14. This is night-time robbery!

When i was in Australia, i remember commenting that their taxi charge skips so fast that i was thankful for Singapore's reasonable pricing. I guess 'Comfort Delgro' heard me.

If my mother were to ever find out how much i spend on taxi fares, she would probably realise that getting me a car is a cheaper alternative.


Even if the sun refused to shine,
even if romance ran out of rhyme.
You would still have my heart until the end of time.
You all i need -
my love, my valentine.

Power that kills.

Following the death of the 5 db, especially boon san, I've come to frequently ponder on the issues of life and death.

No doubt, it all stands within a fine line. One minute, a particular person may be having the time of his/her life and the next, his time is up.

Why do we fear death so much? Is it the loneliness? The fear of stepping into a foreign place alone or the very fact that the world will not stop moving for us?

It doesn't help that i've been watching alot of films which further amplifies how one's life can be snatched away by another just-like-that. 'Warlords' wasn't too bad..except the sad, but typical ending of men with power.

Power.
A strong word that has led many powerful men to kill and many innocent lives lost.

Over the years, MTT has taught me that to be a leader, one has to know how to be a follower. But as i slowly grow, i see myself eroding away from a leader towards being just a follower. Not that it's bad or anything. But it seems like the years spent in training and thereafter, observing others seem to show me a more frightful side of being on top than the sense of satisfaction that comes from it.

I probably am starting to detest it. Detest the fact that we can never please everyone and as we grow older, the skepticalism of others seem to never let everyone say, " hey, this is a good leader. "

How do you define a 'good leader' anyway?

Or maybe, it's because no one listens anymore. Instead, because of the disappearing simplicity, everyone's mind seems to be simultaneously chanting, " i can be better than him! I can be better than him! "

man, i miss the sea. I miss spending hours out there. Having the power to control my own boat and thoughts. Oh wait, there's still the power of waves.

Lights will guide you home
and ignite you bones.
I will try to fix you.

Redundance.

Have anyone solved this facebook puzzle:
What's wrong here

AAA
BBB
CCC
DDD
EEE
FFF
GGG
HHH
III
JJJ
KKK
LLL
MMM
NNN
OOO
PPP
QQQ
RRR
SSS
TTT
UUU
VVV
WWW
XXX
YYY
ZZZ

Seems perfectly fine to me.

If you cannot solve that, try this:
What's wrong here

111
222
333
444
555
666
777
888
999
101010

Cannot solve?
Same logic.

Wake up call,
Caught you in the morning with another one in my bed.
Don't you care about me anymore?
Care about me,
I don't think so.
Six foot tall,
came without a warning so i had to shoot him dead.
He won't come around here anymore,
come around here?
I don't feel so bad.

Holiday spirit.

Back from genting ; back from badminton.
Finally, the holiday spirit is setting in. Since the exams ended, today has been the only time i can sleep in till....2:30? shiiooooook!

The one day ocbc credit card promoter stint ended yesterday. And it sucked. i'm not doing it anymore. Next time, when such promoters come up to you, do me a favour - be courteous when you say no. Don't just continue working as if we're invisible! techno singaporeans!

Had a badminton match with the family today. And i realised that the problems within are far more than what i expected. Grandparents VS parents, parents VS children, Grandparents VS children and worst yet, grandparents VS some distant relative, WHO IS A KID.

This family is screwed. And the problem is everyone knows whose fault it is but no one knows what to do with it. urgh! irritating.

IHG is starting next week and i just realised i gotta wear jerseys for the basketball matches. which means i have to start shaving my armpits. :(

a'right go watch some show..bye all.

Beggar's Song.

Hu liong ah... ah.
Towkey ah wei.
ah..eh.. tia...tang..eh.
Tia.. tang.. tio..
Gun~~ knor,

Pai..mia..eh..lang..eh.

Hou sim mo..oh..
Ah jim ah wei..
ah.... chor... zhan.. eh.
chor..zhan..tio..
Gun~~ Knor,

Bui..tou..tang..eh..lang..eh.

" Boss, lady. Please! Sympathize with this orphan beggar. Please donate generously. May you prosper. "

Orbituary.

Today's the day.
Rest in peace.

and i'm sorry, once again.

:)))

The more i study, the more confused i am.

dammit.

forget it.
i've done my best. the rest is all up to god.

Hopeful redemption.

i'm sorry. May god bless you, and your family. especially your girlfriend. May everyone have the will and strength to carry one.

My condolences to you..and your friends.

i'm sorry.



Hail Mary, full of grace. The lord is with you.
Blessed are you amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy mary, mother of god.
Pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Our father who art in heaven,
holy be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread and forgive our sins,
as we forgive those who sins against us.
Do not bring us to the test, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.

What goes around, comes around?

I used to look forward for the post-exams. Knowing that i've worked hard this sem, i was looking forward to the playing hard.

Last sem, it was the sense of relief that overwhelmed me. The feeling of having free time to settle other, non-academic stuffs.

But this sem, it's different.
I fear more for the results than look forward for the partying there after.
I hope the trip to Malaysia can really change my whole thinking.

And it's not like i've not worked hard.

I've tried much more than i have the past 2 semesters. The past 2 sems, i only studied ONCE. this time, i did so twice. But somehow, it feels different. I still had so much problem answering the research method problems. And I still get this overpowering nagging feeling that i'm gonna do really badly.

sometimes, hard work really doesn't pay off.

The irony.

Releasal of PSLE results.
First core paper out of 2.
2 exams down, 2 more to go.


sigh... another wasted day.


Cause we gonna fight,
oh yes we gonna fight,
Believe we gonna fight.
We gonna fight.

Fight for our right to love, yeah.

Nobody wanna see us together,
but it don't matter, no.
Coz i've got you.

Pictures.

For the past two weeks, i've been committed to drinking 'coca cola' light after amanda told me that it doesn't use real sugar in the drink ( yes, i was abit slow. ) So i drink 1 can per day. After all, it's called coke light, or diet coke in some other countries. Diet = help to lose weight. right?

Wrong!

Jasmine have been trying to tell me over and over again that it's still unhealthy but i brushed her away as being naggy.

THEN, in her desperate bid, she showed me smth...

!!!!

Diet coke is a joke!

Instead of helping us lose weight, it helps us gain weight! No wonder i've been gorging so much lately..

To think i could actually get fooled. Me! a future marketer! falling prey to a marketing strategy.

I'm a real disgrace to my course.

Anyway, the exams have begun. Sort of anyway. Just survived through forensic science. Research methods next. Really can't wait for exams to end. I'm hardly in hall anymore..always far far away...trying very hard to study but never succeeding. :(

Read the papers last week and i came across a really interesting picture:

women competing in some kinda do-split-and-paddle competiton. how cool is that?

makes me miss canoeing...

Cui-ed.

Comm's final written assignment --> cui-ed.
Jap listening and oral --> cui-ed.
How come i always screw up at the very last minute?

I've been trying hard this sem and though it feels much better than before,
there's still this stupid fear in me now that exams are here.

But i guess the fear's kinda different..
this time, it's more about how unfair it'll be if i still do as badly as before.

" teach less, learn more. " bullshit.

Anyway, i've been having an overdose of forensic science and CSI.
I'm always thinking of the different ways i would die.
haha..

i have a sick sick mind.


Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me tell you why,
I would die for you.
Let me light up the sky,
Light it up for you.
Let me make this mine,
I'll ignite for you.

:))

I dont like to, be alone in the night.
And I don't like to, hear I'm wrong when I'm right.
And I dont like to, have the rain on my shoe.
But I do love you,
but I do love you.

With Jamie Yeo gone and 'love songs' ending too early,
I'm starting to fall deeply in love with Power 98.


All the best to everyone for the upcoming exams!

Mad.

Crazy week.

Things to be done:

- comms final presentation
- Reserach Mtd proj
- Consumer Behavior Assignment 3
- Study!
- Research Mtd experiment


Looks little here?
Looks can be deceiving!

NTU is mad. They flood us with so many stupid projects that requires tons of mindless research ( especially Comms ) and they all end a week before the actual exams.

HOW TO STUDY?!

Stupid stupid stupid.

377A

The press are writing tons of reports about it, people are talking about it, blogs are filled with it. The recent saga of repealing/keeping penal 377A has been creating much buzz in Singapore.

I've been aware of the appeal turned repeal of 377A since the appealing days but i didn't bother to check it out or sign it till recently. Of course, the appeal won't work. Common sense tells us that. But i urged my friends to take a look at http://www.repeal377a.com/ and sign if they feel for it because of the simple reason of "THE 'SILENT' MAJORITIES".

Who are they?

People who are against the repealling of 377a and who are, like us 'minorities', collecting signatures for a petition to be submitted to the prime minister to urge him to keeping that law.

I am pissed. Not because they are at opposite mentalities as us..but because of their name.This whole saga is turning into such a joke! The war between the repellers and the keepers are so not necessary:

1) We had nothing against them. Neither aiming them nor targetting them. This whole appeal was started by someone who had nothing better to do than to see a seldom practiced law removed. Yet, they take it so personally.

2) All the labels weren't necessary. You're against removing the law? fine. sign ur petition. but keep the labels to yourself. Many of them don't make sense at all.

3) Not only gays sign the petition. Straight people who feels the same sentiments do too.

4) Why 'the majority'? Trying to pressure us with your power in numbers? I thought Singapore is all about equality? No minority, no majority.

All it takes is just a little more understanding from each side, and everything won't be such a joke anymore.

Seriously, i'm surrounded by straight, admirable friends. They are my majority. But they are no where close 'the majority'. Things are going childishly out of hand. And we repeallers are no better! Yes, indeed, It's time for us so called "loud minority" to get 'louder' and cry foul. But need we do it extremely? NO!

Here's a snipet from http://www.repeal377a.com/.

Dear Sean (#7824),Dun worry, the keepers website has obvious reasons to belived that it is a SPAM. See my comments on #7789 and #7759. They are a group of fanatics extreme from a elaborate organized group that monitor all these activities 24 hourly. Their fast reaction on all my counter-arguments over the past 48 hours further showed that they are groups organized to kill the repealers efforts. Nonetheless, their extreme reactions have backfired them creating suspicion, instigating hatred, anger, and division among Singaporeans. Anyone who is educated is able to idetify their plot easily, including the Member of Parliments whom are all elites of Singapore.Hence, we have won in this "battle", let them continue their craziness. It benifits us. Just ignore them, and dun have to be concerned on their remarks, the evil remarks do not really represent the majority. I beleive the majority Singaporeans are still civilized citizen whom will not any how name the people of different sexual orientation as criminal, phaedophile and what not.

What battle?!

Nevertheless, i'm still a repealler.
Be sure to catch the repeal377a clip posted and have a good laugh.

377A

Infallible.

Every man have their own mentors. Someone they look up to. Someone to guide them when the road is dark and unclear.

And while this man stands at the start of the road, a journey he has never embarked on with a few others in line, this man wishes to look upon his mentor. But with time, this mentor was lost. Lost to his popularity amongst others.

A new journey with no one to guide. And they've reached their first milestone.


Have the meaning of things become so diluted that everything's for an individual purpose?



no it can't be true.
I could fly if I wanted to.
like a bird in the sky,
I believe I can fly.
why I'd fly!

True believer.

Nicholas Sparks did it again. Except from the terrible, " 3 weeks with my brother ", nicholas sparks have impressed me with all his other books. Can't wait to get his lastest book, " dear john. "

Today's a friday that doesn't feel like 1. And it's a good thing. I woke up this AFTERNOON, thinking it was saturday and i started panicking.. for wasting the whole morning zzzing. Imagine the relief i felt when i realised that it's friday instead. I know, it's only one day's difference. But it means alot..since i don't have to waste the whole evening watching tv. muahaha.

Exams are coming. EXAMS ARE COMNG! and i don't think i can zzz a day in peace without worrying about it.

Why use big words when simple ones do?

This was one of the presentation topic used by some of my classmates for comm management. Yes, why use big words when simple ones do? Textbook authors should listen to some of these presentations. I think it'll do them good. Especially Michael R. Solomon. Who is he? The author of consumer behavior's tb.

His words are so bombastic, so repetitive and soooo random, i have problem understanding the point they are trying to drive across. And i'm not finding excuses for my stupidity. My MOTHER is complaining about the same thing about her textbook.

So i conclude, textbook authors are not smart. They only use lotsa nice sounding words to make them sound smart.

Faker.



A new fantastic point of view. :)

I think smurfs are cute.

Stuck in the middle.

It's mid-sem once again. Just like how i predicted, time whizzed by without realization.

This 3 years course is bullshit. 3 yrs human time is actually only 18 months uni time, excluding holidays and the much dreaded PA.

It's been project meeting, slides, assignment, project meeting, slides, assignment over and over again for the past few days. I guess this is the better alternative for business as compared to quizzes one after another. But time seems to be wasted even more when one forgoes studying for doing mindless prep work for presentations. This time, i'm supposed to assume a role of some maths and science teacher, Ms Goh ( Ahem! ) of a childcare centre wishing to open a branch in an industrial estate. -_-'

More formal wears.

I SWEAR I HATE COMMS MANAGEMENT TOO!

Anyhow, i've been thinking alot about SCAS lately. How tuesdays meant lunch then a swimming with the kids. I miss laughing with them + ah bert, angela (?), yuan fang, vivian, yen yen and the jacuzzi thereafter.

Man, i really miss SCAS. It was so meaningful then. If only we can repeat it all over again..


ah, emoooooooooooooo emo.


It's been a long and winding journey,
but i'm finally here tonight.
Picking up the pieces,
and walking back into the light.
Into the sunset of your glory,
where my heart and future lies.
There's nothing like that feeling,
when i look into your eyes...

My dreams came true,
when i found you.
I found you,
my miracle...

If you could see, what i see,
that you're the answer to my prayers.
And if you could feel, the tenderness i feel,
You would know, it would be clear,
that angels brought me here...

:)

Heat.

The exam heat is on.
Or rather, mid terms.. although i can't really remember if i have any papers coming up.
i'm trying very hard to catch up this sem.
Especially if you compare to the last.. but my stress level doesn't seem to subside.

I have no bloody idea how this week swam by so fast and i hardly did any revisions.

It feels like everyone's shaking their heads at me..
" tsk tsk tsk.. yvonne ah yvonne. Stop slacking. Follow us. We're studying. "

Yes, i'm guilty.

Have i mentioned how much i hate uni?
I really hate it very much.
Sometimes, i wonder how all our teachers from seconday to jc always say that uni is fun.
Many actually say that those were the best days of their lives.

HOW CAN THIS BE THE BEST DAYS?!

i'll say it once more..
I hate uni.

Those who feels the same, say aye!

Meet-up.

It's funny how so many people tag my blog when i don't post but no one does so when i do.
AM I THAT BORING?!


So now's a test to see who's reading...

MONDAY MJC GATHERING.
GO BACK TO MJC AGAIN AND EAT THEIR NEW SAKAE SUSHI.

pls rsvp asap.

would you know how i feel?
Would you all know how i fucking feel?!

Farewell.

It's finally bye-bye career foundations. 3 hours of unbearable dos and donts of working in the business industry. It's definitely THE subject that makes me regret coming business the most.

Having not gone home for 3 weeks, i was welcomed home by a, " eh..who are you? Can you still remember the way home? "

stupid brothers. :)

I hate alvin's Nintendo DS. Everytime i head for home, i spend hours convincing myself to study. But all this will be put to waste with just a waive of his DS..just so he can feel good for studying while i waste my weekend away.

Distractions are a test to one's self-discipline. WHERE ARE MINE?!?!




I loved you.
Grey sweat pants.
No make up,
so perfect.

Mika

I am so glad i bought mika's album. At times when i'm bored ( which should not be happening), waiting for time to pass ( which still should not be happening ), i listen to mika's tracks or log on to youtube and re-watch those videos that introduced me to him. damn funny. And! He made dnd video look good too..

Anyway, Dnd's tonight. But the atmosphere isn't really there. Everyone's home. Hardly anyone here is going. Come to think of it, hardly anyone IS going.. 'cept for the usual few. Like how the girls put it, everyone's " JUST SIANZ " now..



So I smiled and tried to mean it,
To let myself let go.

Cos it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter man.
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in.
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart.
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in.
To the world you thought you lived in

5th Sept.

The new HAS system has brought about much politics in hall. Hall against hall, block against block, one clique against another. These politics never seems to cease and i wonder why. Don't we all belong as one? Or have the culture eroded to an extent that no one has control over it anymore?

The differences in everyone's character is clear. But does that really mean that everything has to be the way it is? Isn't there compromise in this world? Or are we all filled with the want to excel, to stand out among the crowd? Why is there this silent competition?

To be completely unbiased, i blame the HAS system. I blame man's selfish nature.

Everyone seems selfish increasingly.


Only students and already bugged by this. I really shudder to think what is in for us when we enter the working world.





Time stood still for you,
Forever at 15.
This little place called heaven,
is where you'll always be.

STILL and forever will be... much loved by many.

Impressions

Presentations, presentations, presentations!

I feel drowned in a world which requires us to talk, to convince, to persuade, to impress. I can't see myself, a couple of years later, standing in front of a panel of bosses trying to bring to them an idea that sounds completely nonsensical even to myself.

When i walk down the tutorial rooms, i see smartly dressed people everywhere. All ready to convince. All ready to fight. Why do i not have wills like them? They seem so sure of where they want to go, what they want to do with their life. What do i want from mine?

I can't see myself standing with such poise, such elegance, trying to carry off the 'standard business woman' look - capable, intelligent, smart. I am just not this.

Tell me why, again, am i here? What the hell am i doing in business? Who am i trying to kid? Why did i say no to something i wanted?

Only 5 weeks into school and i can already feel the pressures of exams. Have i always been like this all along? A nervous wreck who can never break away from the fears of being a failure once more.

The pressure is building up day by day. I want a rebirth. I want to set things right.

But how do i go about doing it?

Have i made another wrong move? I should stop looking back and regretting my steps and learn how to pick up the pieces instead. I should smile and take things in my stride. I should laugh at the face of presentations, seeing how much we've been drilled in itBut things are so often easier said than done. Whenever i stand in front of a crowd, i get tongue tied.

My mind's so filled with, " had i not done this ; had i not done that ; had i chose this ; had i chose that."

Presentations, presentations, presentations. I just hate them presentations.




And i don't want the world to see me,
Coz i don think that they'ld understand.