tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-356499792024-03-19T12:32:44.765+08:00LETS TALK KOK.Hear ye silent screams.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger894125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-33560780030796297662017-04-27T01:37:00.000+08:002017-04-27T01:37:08.942+08:00hit by a sudden calm, peace and sa3 tuo1ness. willing this to stay!<br />
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HOORAH world! it's TGIF-1!<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-4265159192545821232017-04-19T00:12:00.001+08:002017-04-19T00:46:46.869+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One of those when it rains, it pours days</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-66526055374044927712017-04-15T02:37:00.005+08:002017-04-15T03:10:35.289+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHB1cITFTX5zzDhLQ_dUADBdgyxCFQn0oIYYfiRYhNV217Qs8gkS418ITwLI6el74NDsfTJTmkQ181mcQzTBmgivJX0GrcSJ-RXbK0Mq-Zr6KlrDSC4K-taj7h2rlyWsbHEj2BmQ/s1600/apostolic-center-a-city-set-on-a-hill-12-638.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHB1cITFTX5zzDhLQ_dUADBdgyxCFQn0oIYYfiRYhNV217Qs8gkS418ITwLI6el74NDsfTJTmkQ181mcQzTBmgivJX0GrcSJ-RXbK0Mq-Zr6KlrDSC4K-taj7h2rlyWsbHEj2BmQ/s320/apostolic-center-a-city-set-on-a-hill-12-638.jpg" width="320"></a></div>
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<i>A new commandment i give to you....</i></div>
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<i>Love one another as I have loved you.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">A good Good Friday to all!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">To more WEs and US instead of Is and YOUs. For a bigger and more gracious heart instead of a selfish guarded one.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-59762235059029780292017-02-24T02:47:00.001+08:002017-02-24T03:17:52.371+08:002017<p dir="ltr">Yeeehaw! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Welcome 2017. Since the start of the year (which hasnt been that long really) i've been having a pull to start blogging again. Well really it's just to pen down these random thoughts in my head somewhere again but i learnt tt i've become one of those who have grown weary of writing and somehow creating a new space seem tedious, or foreign in fact.</p>
<p dir="ltr">So.. i'm back! Albeit randomly, as i have been the past couple of years. But apart from all the angst and fears and insecurities we/i/man fight with daily, i hope i can start capturing some positive vibes that hit occassionally. </p>
<p dir="ltr">First up! Independence. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Lately i've been really busy with all the act 一个 grown up stuff. Looking around at cars, trying to (and haitusing [spell?]) on designing the new place,  trying to find a course to learn new things etc. </p>
<p dir="ltr">And all these plans have been as messy as i've always been but yesterday i had a gathering with some of the more senior colleagues... and they made me feel like i've made a wrong choice with the house.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Because..... it's not a money making option as a singaporean. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But while i agree that waiting till i'm 35 to get a hdb is a more economical choice, i am not reallly keen on waiting till i'm 40 to be able to get my first 2 rm unit. Despite tt, i have unintentionally been bogged down by the negativity for a bit when SUDDENLY (think The Beatles/Mr Bean The Movie) i had an empipany. That i should shift my focus from ---- how i cannot make money to how to make the best out of it. Enjoy the space, the freedom (hopefully), the facilities. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I realize as i move through life, tt i've always been wanting the "best" of everything and i get frustrated when i feel shortchanged. I guess it's a very normal feeling. But i admire people who have the courage and realism to accept that <b>life is not fair.</b> And the way to happiness and self contentment is to make the best of what we have. </p>
<p dir="ltr">(All those episodes of Alone is definitely rubbing off on me.)</p>
<p dir="ltr">I have a big hurdle to jump across to get to that mountain of <i>lepak</i>ness and i hope i get there some day. But for now, baby steps. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I am suddenly washed with thoughts of contentment and i want to hold on to this happy feeling for as long as i can. </p>
<p dir="ltr">With that, it's time to say a prayer, read some happy stories and go to bed with a hopeful smile on my face. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Peaceout world ✌</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-29268299475277495952016-06-27T13:49:00.003+08:002016-06-27T13:49:42.787+08:00Can god love me this much?<br />
<br />
I hope there's no catch to this. Hopeful final preserveranceUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-37998312780800834542016-06-18T09:44:00.003+08:002016-06-18T12:36:30.772+08:00I feel silenced.<br />
<br />
On one hand, thankful that i've cleared all the pscs. But then i'm scared because i dont feel i've made the mark to qualify going for a validation check.<br />
<br />
But no one is listening to me.<br />
<br />
What if i don't make it this round.<br />
<br />
Am i going to be able to pick myself up?<br />
<br />
I feel like i'm standing at the gallows with my hands tied.<br />
<br />
Gonna need a miracle for this.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-44806307905924213192015-11-12T13:12:00.002+08:002015-11-12T13:12:47.298+08:00Jesus help me, and never forsake me. amen.<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">Lord, in every need let me come to You with humble trust saying, "Jesus, help me."</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">In hours of loneliness, weariness, and trials, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles, and sorrows, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">When others fail me and Your grace alone can assist me, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">When I throw myself on Your tender love as a father and savior, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">When my heart is cast down by failure at seeing no good come from my efforts, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">When I feel impatient and my cross irritates me, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">When I am ill and my head and hands cannot work and I am lonely, Jesus, help me.</span><br style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls, and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus, help me and never forsake me.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;">amen.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-51020960063655442222015-10-10T20:16:00.001+08:002015-10-10T20:16:23.461+08:00<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/sqnMT3eG1yQ" width="459"></iframe><br /><br />
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now, hit the ballUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-50301740191932680142015-10-09T19:05:00.001+08:002015-10-09T19:05:36.172+08:00Grey's Anatomy - Callie and Arizona and Bailey "Joy" 5x23<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/g4kuVVO9Kpo" width="480"></iframe><br /><br />
<br /><br />
<br /><br />
fighting insecurities, doubts, fears.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
i wonder if that's what's holding me back. Not that i have it, but issit holding me back from breaking through my comfort zone. I want to stop thinking... start performing. Stop worrying.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
Where's the confidence yo?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-2998457112419274112015-10-04T03:41:00.004+08:002015-10-04T03:41:55.057+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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push push push! if it's coming out wrong, it gotta change<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-10211792882818311052015-09-26T23:42:00.000+08:002015-09-26T23:42:00.317+08:00i have slowly started to practice again, hoping that my hardwork pays off and I'm focusing on the right thing.<br />
<br />
It is really a weird sensation, this learning process. When I am doing the exercises without the fear of judgements from my instructors, I am actually glad. To have something to focus on.<br />
<br />
But I am so afraid that time will pass by and I am still too slow for the class. The girls are starting to ask me one by one... if i've noticed that ck is extremely fierce to me.<br />
<br />
Of course I have. I'm the one getting it. I wonder sometimes if it's because of my short hair. OR issit just me.<br />
<br />
When I was climbing yesterday ( the only thing in life now that is finally picking up after so many months ) we met this guy Teddie who is supposedly very good and was giving tips on climbing. everyone was hovering around him trying to pick up skills. So of course i joined in the fun. Except, I don't know if it's me or what... i can sense him moving backwards not daring to give me too many tips for fear of bruising my ego. And I can sense that it wasn't really him. It was me. I can't talk to him like the rest do and i didn't dare to ask him how to do a certain route. I asked him.... through Ching.<br />
<br />
Is this the same for ck? How about mdm?<br />
<br />
Does mdm take my questions as a joke but actually form opinions about them?<br />
and ck?<br />
i know he is trying very hard to be patient with me... the thing is, it's him to not be patient with me and i can't expect him to be. But why is it like that? I'm starting to think it's me.<br />
<br />
Have I been too proud to learn? Or too shy to ask? Or do i just not carry my words across as most people do? What is the real problem with me?<br />
<br />
I can't help but draw comparisons between Rachel and myself. I was impatient with Rachel when i was taking her. Just like ck , i know i consciously tried to be patient with her but deep inside something was pulling on the impatience line. I prayed all the time for some patience and i wondered whenever possible why i was behaving that way. That teaching her wasn't coming out naturally from me as i would have been with others.<br />
<br />
Sometimes i asked the girls about it and once, someone told me it may be because of the way she carried herself. the swagger she had in her walk.<br />
<br />
<br />
Am i giving off that aura too? how do i get rid of it?<br />
<br />
how deep must this pit be to be so dark in here.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-33915433337335848632015-09-23T18:20:00.003+08:002015-09-23T18:20:44.353+08:00when you try your best and you don't succeed,<br />
<br />
<br />
you truly dont feel like you should have could have would have done more.<br />
<br />
but you get angry at yourself for being so stupid.<br />
and self doubts of success almost completely floods your mind.<br />
<br />
i tried my best.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-79298440028593082712015-09-01T18:34:00.002+08:002015-09-01T18:37:08.090+08:00still struggling.<br />
<br />
struggling to cope with learning new skills. struggling with the understanding and pride.<br />
<br />
struggling with ghosts of the betrayal. struggling with the understanding and the pride. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-54067713019897318792015-08-31T19:08:00.001+08:002015-08-31T19:08:48.457+08:00bad session.<div>
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doubts.</div>
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frustration.</div>
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embarrassment.</div>
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anger. </div>
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sad. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-58637264094888083082015-07-31T11:31:00.001+08:002015-07-31T11:31:18.514+08:00<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/1KZ28EMNjIQ" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-40559821044950496742015-05-10T02:04:00.000+08:002015-05-11T02:39:04.535+08:00The Point of No Return (Reprise)<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qlKJMdlYZJw" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-14252355564424380402014-11-07T00:35:00.000+08:002014-11-08T12:37:18.761+08:00<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/-2U0Ivkn2Ds" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-49185137586320501502014-05-23T03:06:00.000+08:002014-05-25T03:07:08.001+08:00congratulationsUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-12760769154031926252013-12-02T22:38:00.001+08:002013-12-02T22:38:53.735+08:00P!nk - Just Give Me A Reason ft. Nate Ruess<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/OpQFFLBMEPI" width="480"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-20700554574578507332013-10-15T13:37:00.001+08:002013-10-15T13:37:42.497+08:00<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/Gur8ccqrQ9c" width="459"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-8991774333259055342013-10-02T13:13:00.003+08:002013-10-02T14:06:25.354+08:00a long long time ago.. i used to tell people that i feel that i had scraped through life. I scraped through school and for most major exams had decent enough grades. I scraped through uni, got myself a degree with almost an empty mind. I scraped through everything with the blessings of god... and started to wonder if it was a blessing at all in the long run.<br />
<br />
so when i took up this job, i wanted to scrape no more. I started studying hard while everyone copied. I tried to analyze traffic from angles to digest it. i tried my best in doing this myself.<br />
<br />
rather unfortunately, back at cm, i was embarrassed about my job but i didn't feel as embarrassed about myself.<br />
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here, i am proud of my job. </div>
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but the self esteem has been reduced to a liquid pile of dirt.</div>
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mother used to say because i wasn't as intelligent, i have to work doubly hard to catch up with others.<br />
this string of advise isn't working.</div>
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what do you do when your best isn't good enough to the people who matters?</div>
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what else can i do about being stupid.<br />
<br />
the damage is so real when the pain is inflicted by your own girlfriend.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-43726295070667514722013-07-03T14:07:00.001+08:002013-07-03T14:07:37.271+08:00.no matter how hard i try, i can never belong.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-63320876514928577452013-05-09T21:54:00.000+08:002013-05-09T21:54:53.958+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">so sing along to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><b style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #bf9000; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">my stereo!</span></b></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35649979.post-37281771323102653612013-03-05T18:56:00.001+08:002013-03-05T19:07:58.238+08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0