Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
you will understand.
Listen with your heart,
you will understand.
While I've never really been much of a come-up-with-new-year-resolutions kinda person ( i think ), as i start approaching adult-hood ( ahem. ) and working life,
I wish for a few things.
And amongst these,
I wish, the most, that i will have the guts to do what i want to do, say what i want to say, and step out of being another pawn in this dog-eat-dog world.
I feel like i've wasted my hols. :(
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
It apparantly doesn't work in this family.
Because i have been doing just anything for HER to put that little bit of trust and faith in me.
But she's JUST TOO BIASED AND I CANNOT FUCKING STAND IT.
And it turns out that alvin too quarrelled with her and as such, she was so occupied in attempting to appease him that he didn't even notice how pissed she made me.
i'm going crazy here.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Disclaimer: Dunst didn't have too many beautiful, decent, non- Mary-Jane pictures soooo, cropping had to be done.
God, they even wear the same clothes!
( Told you Dunst wasn't very pretty in erm.. less-suggestive clothes. )
Bought OC season 1-4 but only 1 and 2 were good. 3 was jumbled. Johnny was alive one moment, dead in the next chapter and alive again in the following one.
Although, i may be lucky coz reviews have it that 3 and 4 were bad. Buttt.. it just seem like a must to finish watching the entire series no matter how bad it is. Now, i can't even watch how Merissa dies. :( Thank god for youtube.
Anyway, even though i prefer Rachel Bilson, i think Mischa Barton's quite hot sometimes. ALTHOUGH, she reminds me of Kirsten Dunst somehow.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
i tried to speak to mother again.
Tried to tell myself time and again that i was being too petty.
1st day - ok.
2nd day - ok.
3rd day - back to square one.
I realized today that i am still very much unhappy at her differential treatment and i don't think it's something that can be easily forgotten this time. Poink says it's because everything that was thrown to the back of my mind previously are now bursting with rage and i kinda agree.
Really don't know how i'm going to enjoy the Malacca trip.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
Waking up to cold air, loud ps2 noises blaring downstairs and all the christmas songs on the radio.
But i loved them more last time, when i didn't have to burden myself with fyp and home wasn't so disgusting to be in.
sidenote: i still cannot bring myself to converse with mother. Ever since that incident, i find this home utterly disgusting.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Friday, December 05, 2008
It's like...a bad feeling - a bad omen of sorts. Either that or my body's complaining that there's not enough rest. And if you think about it, it's sorta true..
Things have been like that since year 2 sem 2:
3) Holidays: PA + OCIP preparation ( no doubt one of the most tiring time. Can you believe stupid BOLE is still bugging me up till now? It's like.. one day i receive a msg from the boss, " i need 5 ppl next week. can find for me? " then i receive another sms from stupid ah pui, " i need a bazar store location. you can find one for me? " And when i ignore that sms, she texts me on msn asking me to do OTHER things. omg. I'm no longer your employee YA. )
4) OCIP trip
6) Start of new term
and now, FYP.
I need a break. Need a get away.
Sometimes i wish to find my way back to Pulau Aur. Away from people, from situations and from handphones. I will spend the entire day diving, resting by the seaside, sipping my hot hot teh-o, playing my sudoku before jumping back into the clear waters again.
Most importantly, there's no reception there. So i'm sparred from any obligations.
Of course, poink has the exception of being there with me. That's all i need.
Friday, November 28, 2008
5pm : rise and shine.
5pm - 7pm : OC
7pm - 10pm : Dinner + channel 8 dramas (i'm a fan.)
10pm - 8 or 9am: OC
9am - 5pm : zzz
No sun, no fresh air.
so you see, I gotta finish up with OC before some adverse effects hits me.
And for the record,
I don't like Ryan (Benjamin Mckenzie) and Seth (Adam Brody).
Seth is ok at times. But ryan, no.
Summer's cool though.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
But i'm not going to wash our dirty linen in public.
So i'm just gonna end it with this:
I have one crazy, over-emotional family whom i still (maybe) love but can NEVER understand.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
nearer to thee.
To celebrate the end of my exams,
I decided to watch titanic ( much thanks to jon for sending me the movie alongside many many nice ones ).
Chessy as it may sound, it's really really good.
It's scary to think of what might happen if we were on that ship instead.
Not everyone could be so fortunate as to die whilst in the arms of your other half.
Look at the thousands who got separated when they were struggling for their lives.
What could possibly be in their minds?
Where's my mama?
Where's my family?
Are they alive?
am i going to die?
How am i going to die?
Will i drown?
or hit my head on something?
Death.. is it a scary thing or not?
Its been a long time since i last stepped into church.
Mother's always saying how much we need a religion so there's like a belief system in times of need.
I agree with that.
But agreeing is one thing, doing is another.
Being a faithful servant requires alot of time and committment and while many people will disagree with me, I just can't seem the drive and motivation to put it as my priority.
Yes, it could be because of past encounters.
Yes, it could be because the religion had made me lose faith in it.
But.. it's still me.
Casting all reasons aside, I am still the main reason why i'm not there.
i guess i'm just not ready to put my religion as my top priority.
That doesn't mean i don't believe in god. I do, i guess. It's just a matter of prioritization.
Guess i should find the courage to step in there one more time.
Its high time i paid father a visit anyway.
yet in my dreams I'd be ,
nearer, my God, to thee.
nearer, my God, to thee;
nearer to thee.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The world is round. But i see it as flat.
And i'm taught that it's round. But i still see it as flat.
Now i know that it's round. Still, i see it as flat.
2 days later, i have to tell people that it's round.
Even though i still see it as flat.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
i can do it.
i can do it.
yes, yvonne. yes you can.
CAN DO SPIRIT, OOHM!
I guess everyone's feeling it. But everyone's handling it well..which makes me feel quite ashamed of myself.
Yea, i know the past few entries were kinda.. High? With a negative aura. And i'm quite sure that there'll be worst ones the next few days.
Really really can't wait for exams to end. I've got like a whole list of what to do, where to go etc etc.. but i realized it's looks the same every sem! which boils down to show that i only talk.
So, this time, i planned my list realistically. Seeing the nua-pok jas and i are, i decided to fill my list with majoritily movies - hk movies, ang moh movies, so many many movies. can't wait!
ok, so my whole point for coming here at 550am is to thank angela for trying to help calm me down today. thanks girl. :)
oh, and alex gave me a big big surprise yesterday. He popped out of no where at pioneer mall just to hand me a present..
A GYM BALL.
haha.. love it though. and appreciate the effort. :)
pls pray for me and all the GOOD ppl in uni, everyone..
Monday, November 10, 2008
This sem, i cannot blame my laziness.
WHY WHY WHY?
Saturday, November 08, 2008
And the stupidest of it all is that the cause of it points to... ELECTIVES.
It doesn't matter how hard you study.
If you're stupid, you're stupid.
CANNOT EVEN UNDERSTAND THE FUCKING CONCEPTS.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
She looked sad.
She was seating alone at the 'sofa seat' for hours, attempting to knit something. It apparantly failed. She then sat there for the remaining hours, staring blankly into space.
What could be on her mind?
It was 1am, nearing 2 and i had been there since 1130pm. We entered at almost the same time. Yet as we were trying hard to master how genes are related to cancer, she was just.. there. Staring, knitting, thinking, eating.
I dono if it's lucky or sad for her. Lucky because she doesn't have to be stuck in this stupid rat race ( i assume ) or sad because she has nobody to walk with her. What i know is.. i don't like how it felt when i look at her.
I don't even know how to describe it. She looks like she needs help. But why won't my legs move?
I remember 2 years ago when i was set into some 'thinking mode' and i was like her, sitting at some stairway, staring into space. 2 Singaporeans walked pass. They didn't realize my presence. About an hour later, 2 angmohs walked past. One was happily talking to the other.. u know, the usual scene. The other was intently listening to him. They walked pass me too, clearly heading for a swim. But while the 'talker' wanted to just walk off, the 'listener' suddenly seemed deep in thought. After about 10 steps, he shaked his head, stopped the 'talker' and walked back to me and said, " hi there. Are you ok? Do you need to talk? "
While i felt pretty uncomfortable about the idea and declined his nice gesture, I found myself smiling ( after so many hours ) and feeling much better. See the power of just showing some kinda concern? Even if you're just a passerby.
Sometimes, when people are troubled, they need to talk about it. However, there are times when people don't want to talk about it because all they need, is some kinda concern from their fellow homosapians.
So why oh why did i not walk over to talk to that lady?
Sunday, November 02, 2008
There's so many people i wanna thank that i think 1 post is not enough.
But i'm not really good at sharing such stuffs.. so i'm gonna (TRY TO) keep it short.
Thank you all sooooo much for all the gifts and celebrations and wonderful memories!
Thank you all sooooo much for all the calls and smses and PMs and facebook and friendster comments.
Most importantly, thank you all so much for remembering!
Yes yes, and to put it bimbo-ly, i feel loved. really.
Timbre 2 days ago was really fun! Most credit should go to the crowd who was there with me. It's a really nice feeling, seating there, making so much noise and laughing at how stupid we used to be. Really hope when we graduate, we'ld be able to meet up like that again, this time, everyone probably dressed in their formal wears( yuck ) and still bitch about ppl we don't like. Heh..
You know, over the years, i've done stupid things like disappear from every gatherings and everyone's life only to reappear out of no where and the thing which i thank my blessing for is that even with stupid antics and mistakes like that, i have friends who are still able to accept me and spend good times like this with me.
Thank you, everyone. :)
Oh..and special special credit goes to pl for calling me alllll the way frm china! 4rmb per minute is not cheap because we spoke for 27mins! and she hasn't even received her pay yet! haha..
Thank you, thank you, everyone. you all made my day. :)
sidenote: I really really really really really wanna watch HSM3. REALLY. :(
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
How did time pass by so fast?
I really can't wait to graduate and take some chill off time at America.
The worst thing about studying biz ( at least that's what i know ) in uni is that projects gets piled up at the end of the sem, quizzes keeps coming in and on top of that, we still need to find time to revise for our exams since we have NO study break. How the hell do they expect us to juggle?
And to top things up, those pesty, selfish project mates of ours takes all the one-slide-can-answer questions while they dump the bloody hard ones at us just so they can sneak some time to revise.
HOW IN THE WORLD AM I GOING TO COMPLETE SO MUCH TASKS IN 3 DAYS?! Can't you guys just use ur only-for-studies brain to think?!
Uni ppl are selfish. Uni ppl are selfish. Uni ppl are SELFISH! SELFISH SELFISH! SELFISH!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
I don't understand why we can't have meetings on your free days while we have meetings on all of our free days.
I hate this feeling.
On a better note, we're going to america! It's the first time i am confirmed a trip 6 months in advanced! sooo excited. :)
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I hate to think of how life after graduation would be knowing that i'ld have to see all of them ALL THE TIME. It's ok to see them individually, but when they are together, that's when I feel like having my own house, a whole new family and SISTERS.
I hate this place. BECAUSE ALL YOU SEE IS THEM. EVERYTHING'S THEIR CREDIT. NOTHING'S THEIR FAULT.
IF YOU ONLY HAVE EYES FOR THEM, THEN PLEASE GIVE THEM THE RESPONSIBILITY THEY NEED TO UNDERTAKE. PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME ALL THEIR SHIT WHILE YOU GIVE THEM ALL THE CREDIT.
I'M SICK OF BEING YOUR FUCKING SPARE TIRE.
I just don't belong here, i hope you understand.
We might find our place in this world someday.
But at least for know,
i gotta go my own way.
Monday, October 13, 2008
This weekend, i took at 10 mins glimpse at them.
Just 10 mins was enough to send me on a mental trip filled with laughters, tears and guilt.
Be it old birthday cards that were filled with sincerety or formality, old letters from your childhood panpals, little letters girls loved to write to one another or just a postcard from one of your friends when they were away on a holiday. Each and every of these holds a piece of memory.
Rummaging through them, i found an old, slightly brown postcard sent by yisi when she went for a holiday in australia during our sec sch days. It was such a nice feeling! But now, i don't even know where those days went anymore. ( miss you, yisi. )
Next, i opened another envelope. This time, it contained birthday wishes from 04s307. In it were the many scribblings from the entire class. There were scribblings by pei lin, awkwardly writing a, " hope we keep in contact after the As ". I bet at she didn't mean it then..we weren't even close! yet now, we skype one another and keep spaces for her when we meet without her.
Then there's ah bert who drew a birthday cake and warned me that it contained many lipids. Can't you even let a girl enjoy a guilt-free birthday?!
The longest one came from angela, thanking me for all the advices i've gave her.
Can you imagine? Me.. giving advices?! HAHAHA!
ah, how a person change.
Yvonne today has nothing constructive coming out of her mouth. After all, marketing's all about talking your way through..even if it were all rubbish.
sigh..Don't you just wish we were back to those days?
i'ld do anything to spend 1 more day in mj/gvss.
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Monday, October 06, 2008
I just can't seem to find the motivation to sit myself down at my desk, turn OFF my computer and concentrate on the book in front of me.
Can you believe it actually took me 3 days to finish writing 4 pages of notes?!
Monday, September 29, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
That was what she gave to me
Never thought that I'd travel all alone
The trail of memories
OCIP's 08 has ended.
I dono how to describe how i feel. It's a cocktail of emotions.
On one hand, i really love this team. And if i search my conscience, i know it's clear because whatever decisions i've made, whether right or wrong, I did it for the well-being of the team. And i can say that out proud.
But i know as time passed, especially while preparing for the final visit to the home today, i felt really tired. I felt like everyone was beginning to have this expectation of me meeting their needs and i want to meet them all but i can't. And it was beginning to drain me a little.
But while i start listening to "summer kisses winter tears" - a song sang by a very friendly resident of the home today, I start realizing how much i miss the team.
The team's a good team.
They kept their promises.
They were always around.
I really can never ask for a better team. And i hope that everyone will stay as close as they are even after the end of ocip'08.
Dear teammates, thank you very much. Thank you very much for being those responsible people you are.
Ok, so today's trip to the old folks' home was quite.. a flop. haha.. The hall was so big! The folks were less responsive than those at china and most importantly, that had a damn cool karaoke set. So, most of the team ended up having a 'kbox session' there instead. But, that's what's so cool. Even though we did not meet our target of interacting purely with the folks, 1-2 of them actually started using the mix and singing impromptu duets! And that's where " summer kisses winter tears " comes in. They were damn cool.
But because i'm not a huge fan of singing in a mic, i had the opportunity to see some of the old folks eating etc. And when you really stand there and observe them, you'll start realizing how much these old folks have gone through only to end up like that. What could they be thinking when they were eating? are they feeling sad?
One woman loved to shake hands. She was one of the friendliest folk there despite not being able to talk to anyone of us. (think she lost her ability to speak.) But one of the regulars there was telling me about how her eyes sparkled if you look into them. So when i was there to shake her hand, for the 5th - 6th time after, i looked into her eyes, and realized that they really did carry a certain kind of emotion that we can never understand..
And it brought me to my grandma.
Does she know how lucky she is?
Why does she still have to make life so difficult for everyone? Could that be... her defence machanism?
The fire of love, the fire of love
Can burn from afar
And nothing can light the dark of the night
Like a falling star
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I don't like it when you use every conversation we have to praise your sons.
I don't like it when i try to share with you my experiences and you bring up their names.
I don't like it when you try to bring them and the rest of this screwed family into the badminton games I have with ks, xie and sometimes you.
I don't like it when you say yes to them for everything they demand while I have to be placed on hold.
I don't like it when HE can bum around the house while you and I pick up his mess and still here you say, " he's a good boy. "
I don't like it when you tell me there's beef in kitchen and i have to eat it in the sly because grandmother will scold whereas you bring it out in the open when HE comes down to eat 5 mins later.
I don't like it when you're unappreciative of my efforts to reduce your stress and heartaches from grandmother and your sons.
I don't like it when you promise me something and break it while giving them what you promised me just because "they are guys".
I don't like it when you wanted to hang up the phone on me when i asked for the car last night while you readily said yes to HIM when he asked for the car for the SAME night.
I don't like that you treat them like kings and me their servants.
I don't like it when relatives he refused to greet just because " he said hi to them yesterday " come over and say bye to him with such glee in their eyes and never gave me a glance even though i was seating right in front of him.
I don't like it even more when they reach the door and suddenly remember that i was there and quickly turn over to say "yvonne bye"
I don't like that you're starting to behave like grandmother.
when will you ever open your eyes?
Love your one and only daughter,
sidenote: fat, i dono why i always say i want to come home when this is what i always get.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Friday, September 05, 2008
It's amazing how quickly you read my blog coz..
SJ JUST CALLED! THEY FOUND YOUR URN! WE'RE COMING JIN!
How she left was a waste and i guess even though the tears have subsided, deep in our hearts, we're still mourning. I don't think we even want to stop. We need this to remember her by and to remind ourselves that she could be there with us.
I wonder where you'll be now if you were still around.
It's really a very frustrating feeling, not knowing where to find you. We hate to entertain the thought of not being able to pay respects to you again. But there's nothing we can do except to hope that someday, your mama will open up to someone we know.
"niJ niJ naT", we miss you. We really do. We've all grown up in some ways or another.. have you grown up too?
I bet everyone's thinking about you today too..
Sidenote: Much congrats to Mei Hui and Chee Wei for their success in running for the 15th JCRC.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
When my room was messy, they used to say,
" Wah.. Yvonne. You don't study ah? Your room so messy, how to study? "
Now that my room's been neat, they say,
" Wah.. Yvonne. You don't study ah? Table so neat. Study what? See Jasmine's table so messy, like that then got study. "
Monday, August 25, 2008
Watching videos as such wil inevitably bring about a sense of nostalgia.
I guess regardless of how a trip is, a team is a team. And in general, i love these people.
It's really nice to think back of the laughters we have in the room, in the van and during "working hours". Most importantly, friendships were forged through this trips and everyone in the team is notably closer than before. :)
Yes, i know i haven' been blogging for a while. Blame it on the school! or fann wong and christopher lee. You see, i've either been busy trying to catch up with school work or more often than not, i've been busy watching return of the condor heroes. And yes, the singapore version.
It's really quite good. Except that the fightings are really messy.
anyway, they're fighting again.
Friday, July 04, 2008
My dream, as some would say.
This could very well be one of the few things i've done which i never gave up on half way through.
Because, this is really what i wanna do.
This has been THE thing that i've spoke to sandy, 3sa, sj, selinalim since sec school days. This is THE opportunity that sandy knows that i've been waiting so desperately for.
But as the trip looms,
I'm starting to experience something different.
Is that fear? Worry?
Why does it seem so negative?
Are we all evading the whole purpose of the trip?
That what matters most is the people we're helping benefits from our service and we ourselves pick up learning values from it?
Are regulations, corporations and ranks driving us all crazy?
Jasmine says that the top 4 have changed. That everyone's so power driven now. That everyone's thriving more for recognition.
Sigh..maybe she's right; maybe it's true.
Don't you think that puts us to shame?
When people like Esther, like MH, like Hiang En have been telling me how excited they are for the trip. When ppl like jon changed their nick to msgs for ocipans. When ppl like mf sends me e-cards to edge me on.
I can feel and i'm touched and glad for their sincerety. But on the other hand, are WE sincere? Is authority diluting this most basic value in us? If that's the case, i don't want this power.
I just want to be sincere.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
What will mr tim tan do if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through.
that's what mr tim tan'd do!
haha..i guess this will be the first time i'm actually not going to miss a place i'm leaving. Worry not, i'll still bid my farewells to my desk, the toilet, this laptop.. but on the whole, i'm more than excited to leave Bole.
Now that my work's ending, i really am clueless why the company still wants me to come back to work EVERYDAY when i practically have nothing to do from 845am to 6pm. I'm like online the entire day, checking liv tyler out. It's best when no one's in the office because i can use the opportunity to watch some movies online. ( by defn, some movies actually means watching the hulk 6-7 times. haha.. )
So, the trip's in a couple of days and the top few of us already had some problems here and there. I wouldn't say it's exactly bad coz at least, we can ( i hope ) get some things sorted out before we head off for a foreign land. I really hope the trip's gonna be a fruitful one to the team as well as myself. I guess the whole preparation stage for the trip really set me thinking about older days.. days in uniform.
well, more about that next time. I'm too lazy to talk right now.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY FAT!
Thank god for the 12 hour time lag between New York and Singapore.. now i'm able to accompany one in Singapore first before flying over to New York to satisfy the other.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Sometimes i wish that people had more faith in me,
Sometimes i wish that everyone stop expecting so much from me.
Today, i yearn for the second.
I can only do so much. I'm really not that capable at all.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
No matter how much tears we shed or how our hearts go out to them, we can never truly understand how the survivals must feel. especially the mothers.
Even if we're out there at ground zero, only grieve will overcome us. what we cannot experience, however, is the pain these parents must be feeling.
Although i'm no ardent advocate, pray. whatever ur religion is, pray for the victims, pray for the survivals, pray for china. They are humans too and who are we to live happily here while there are still people out there, recovering from the shock and coping with their greieves.
There are talks that YMCA may be planning for a year end volunteer trip to Sichuan to help rebuild the lives of the survivals. To those who can go, please go. To those who can't, do something you can..
Donating money may bet too taxing for some who don't have spare cash themselves. why not do this..
instead of buying ur regularheavy breakfast, grab a 'happy panda' bread from breadtalk and have it for breakfast every morning. it costs $2 and 100% of the proceeds goes to help sichuan victims.
They really don't deserve this. Do your best to help them ease their worries.
When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sings
The new world begins
Friday, May 23, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
It really gets quite depressing at times and i wish jas could be around all the time to render me support, especially when i'm at home. My heacaches are just so pain these days that i can't even properly spend time with her without letting my buring eyes and head take my concentration away from her.
It got so bad this morning that jas decided to bring me to the clinic where i learned ( and surprised to find out ) that i was still having fever after so many days. Turned out i had a viral infection from the dive trip. The doctor kinda insisted on having an mc for tomorrow. HOW I WISH I REALLY COULD USE IT TO SLACK FOR ONE MORE DAY..
tomorrow's the first bloody day of intern so i can't take mc.
I really hate coming home now. It's like I have to force myself to be rude to my mother and to not care about my mother just so i can convince myself that i'm fine with her favourtism. And this whole fucking issue is going way overboard. It was bad enough that her attitude took a 180 degree turn ever since i came home from exams. But the ridiculous-ness of her behavior 2 days ago really turned me off and i guess the partially surpressed anger within me just escalated beyond my control. Anyhow, i guess my anger doesn't really bother her now since she has such filial sons.
i really wish dad could be around. I don't know if it would actually be a good thing but for now, i would really like to think of the different instances where he could have helped me while she goes ahead and love her boys. Don't misunderstand me now, I have no ill feelings towards them. I guess our r/s have improved since we were young but there are so many things which my mother are blinded from and i really wish she could open her eyes and see.
Things are only becoming so well now because of the reimbursements etc etc etc you've been receiving and flaunting. I love you mother but REALLY, you should open your eyes if not your heart.
After 52's bbq yest, jas and i stayed over at sylvia's house. It was really beautiful what with her pool table and all and i had a few good hours to see her family this morning. And the difference in their family structure struck me. It's easy to differentiate. Her family's one of love, faith and trust. Mine's more occupied with anger and being in power. I guess the greatest difference was that with a balanced family structure, they had no conflicting hieriechy between the males and the females. My family, on the end (including the extended ones), are obsessed with having male dominance. In another words, males = authority here. Yet more often than not, the past 2 generations have seen these initially powerless women suddenly thrown into the position of maintaining the family. Well, I guess I can safely say that this completely and totally screwed up the entire family culture even more.
uh oh. Here comes the pain again.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Most of all, most of all,
it's built to last.
"Yisi Ng cant wait to MAMBO on wednesdayyy."
!!! what happened to your exams?!
Anyway, yep, the final paper has officially ended. But i'm not allowed to do anything coz she still has one paper tomorrow. ( And i'm like a jail bird now coz i can't watch show or play viwawa or play puzzle bee coz it'll distract her and i have to feed her while she studies. -_-'' )
But that's besides the point. I can't wait for tomorrow coz we're FINALLY going out of NTU. I've runned out of soap, of facial wash, of conditioner and of mouth wash. It's really high time the exams ended.
Dive Redang's coming up in 6 days. Really excited to go for advanced but kinda skeptical, i guess, about the rush. Thanks to Yvonne 51, we're able to cramp our advanced into 2 days which means we'll be damn shagged every night. Thank god sharm's gonna come with us to watch out for our safety. hope we pass hope we pass. After that, we can try for Dive Master and we'll be able to work part time!
Ok, i know i'm sounding KINDA bimbo right now.. but i'm really really psyched about having finished exams, kuishinbo ( now where did that come from? ), mambo and redang trip.
3 cheers for hiang en for planning oec!
sidenote: a million thanks to shu juan who msged me every night before my papers for luck. =))
There's always this glee and excitement when one goes for their final paper. So doesn't matter that i didn't really study this time.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
One of the best indeed.
Reality check: 3 bloody more days to imc paper ; 5 even more bloody days to Channels paper. ( which i haven't studied and don't have time to. )
Why am i still here?
Monday, April 21, 2008
understanding is one thing.
Application is another.
That's why i hate accounting.
BUT I STILL HAVE TO TAKE IT TML!
if god brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
TV seems to be the most enticing thing in the world and no matter how stupid a show is, you'll feel like watching it just so you can escape from studying.
Well, Jasmine fell prey to it AGAIN a couple of nights ago. ( or was it every night? haha. ) Anyway, there was this very stupid zhong yi jie mu on channel U. Those i absolutely hate but jasmine and pl absolutely loves. But this time, when the tv was on, both jasmine and i jumped onto the bed immediately and stayed glued to it till the end of the show.
Not because it's the exams and not because the show was nice. But because...
WE WERE BUSY SNAPPING KL!
oh look, she likes to dance too!
Friday, April 11, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Saturday, April 05, 2008
i guess i have a knack for letting opportunities slip through my fingers.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well?
Well of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best?
Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need.
And you decided it?
Mmm, what you say?
What did she say?
Friday, April 04, 2008
Have been thinking alot about those uniform days lately. As much as we hated it then, i miss the uniforms. Both the greens and the blues.
I miss kl.
I miss sj.
I miss 3sa.
I know..there are many more i am not listing but one way or another, the 3 of them have been by my side all the time. And i bet that if i were in the same classes as them now, i wouldn't feel the way i'm feeling.
I guess the best thing is, we tend to watch each other's back. And that's a virtue that everyone's losing right now. In our fight for success, for recognition and most disgustingly, results, do we find ourselves stepping on top of one another? Pushing the other person down just so he/she can be your platform to bring you closer to the top?
I do find myself doing that once in a while. Or just contemplating whether i should. It's a far cry from what others have done but i still feel guilty each time. Even if what i did was to raise myself to the other person's shoulder, i still feel guilty. And i find myself wondering if others feel guilty as well. And if they did, why are they not showing it?
Why are they blatantly telling lies in front of us when we went through it together? And why are we not saying anything to defend ourselves? Everyone's action's a big question mark.
This sem, things are a little.. different. I guess you can say that like others, i have changed too. Changed to be more detestful than before. More..unsure to make decisions. More hum to make comments. More unwilling to make the move.
Sometimes i feel that shutting my trap is a good idea coz more trouble's gonna brew if the beans were spilled. But at other times, i feel deeply framed and made used of that i just wanna scream at everyone to shut up and reflect on their own actions.
what's a sec sch / jc teachers' pet as compared to a uni's?
Like what the older people tend to say, " chong ming fan bei chong ming hai " ( Ie, the smarter you are, the more trouble you'll lay out for yourself. )
If only we are all as sincere, true and naive as ah wang.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
I really don't know if i can push on anymore. No, i have to!
I guess all the recent hu-has have been getting to me.
To let Yixin go, even though we're not that close, is really harder to accept than i imagined. Not in the very emo way, but more like because i know i haven't done my part to make her feel part of the team.
But before i can mourn over it, i find myself transfixed in another position which really striked me hard. I know not how to describe the exact feeling. It's like all the negative emotions mixed into one.
I'm literally pushed off my feet now. OCIP.. it's really what i wanted to do. It's really what i felt for. But what u've said.. made me lose my footing. It changed the previous statement from present tense to a (possible) past tense. I can't seem to stare at any related activites, not thinking about what u've said. If after talking to you for so long and so many times since the start still makes u feel this away about ocip, then i really shudder to think what others may feel.
Is this really how ppl judge OCIP? or is it ur one-sided judgement just to put me down at the heat of THAT moment? I guess we'll never know.
Peilin always says " that was one year ago. "
Funny as it is, it's really true.
One year ago, 52 was so close.
One year ago, we never judged.
Now one year later, everyone has their own lives.
The sad part is, i've begin to feel more on how plastic uni is. One's own life is all what one thinks about.
I sometimes think if i'm reacting too big to it. But, i really can't bring myself to look at you and not remember what you say and did. Even those i recently made friends with know, what other acceptable reasons have you not to?
To sum it all,
i'm utterly disappointed.
sidenote: OCIP NOT = LOVEBITES! now and never will be.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
The Leap Year. :)
Still this nostalgia, still this confusion.
I think I really need to disappear for a while to sort out my thoughts.
This fight within is tearing me apart.
It's like fighting to see who can play my personality, my trait.
On one hand, the enormous ego-filled mean green machine. On the other, the guilt of making you pay for what you've done.
Hmmm, maybe i DO have a split personality.
Anyway, today and tomorrow's KL's big dance performance. It's been a while since i last saw her. Most (i think) of the class is going to be there. One non-class member is going to be there too! And she's finally going to introduce her boy to me. haha..
All the best KL! Can't wait to see you shake the law school down. :)
So why don't we go,
somewhere only we know.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
He looked so happy.
Sometimes i wish i was given a chance to get a clean slate. A new beginning - to right all my wrongs, to change who i am.
I hate days like today. Where i am brought into constant nostalgia, into thinking about things which i can't even recognise.
Jasmine says i'm starting to be the 'attitude' me again. Maybe i am. I'm sick of being bossed around, treated like i know nuts or that i'm totally kuku.
Most of all, i'm sick of 'fighting'. I'm sick of ur petty games.
It's time i stood firm. Stand firm with you and your 'pretty' friend.
Pride really makes one lose themselves. I'm sure it happened, happens and is happening to many. But i urge you, to somethings take a step back, and think.. " what if i'm not really the best in the world? ", " what you i'm just an old fool who thinks i'm superior, who thinks i'm in power, or who things i'm better than you? "
What if you're really not that good?
sometimes, or most of the time, i'm sick of you guys.
And it's not only the girls. The guys as well. Or issit only you?
I'm sick of being hum.
I'm sick of being misunderstood.
I'm sick of wishing i'm the old yvonne.
I'm sick.. i'm sick.. i'm sick.. of everything!
And i'm hoping the same thing won't happen in ocip.
Like the saying of our great ol' MTT, " assumptions makes an ASS-of-U-and-ME. "
I have my reasons for doing things i do.
damn, i should really practice what i preach.
And games that never amount.
To more than they're meant.
Will play themselves out.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
This story may be familiar to some. But i'm gonna repeat it nontheless.
There once was a woman who licked her envelope so as to seal it. But while doing it, she got herself a papercut. A few months later, her lip became swollen and before she knew it, cockroaches were emerging out of her lips.
Unknown to her, the envelope had cockroaches eggs on it and they hatched in the woman's lips.
Now... to link it up to what i'm trying to say:
SOH FANG HUI PAPER CUT MY LIPS TODAY! guess how frightened i am.
On a completely different topic,
It's my emo day today. Emo not in the bang-the-wall-and-cry way but more in the silent reflections way. Weird thing is, if you ask me what i was thinking about, i can never answer it. Not because i don wanna share, but because i have no idea what was in my mind as well.
But at the same time, there's something there.
Something i'm not sure if i can't recall coz i don't wanna know or coz i really don't know. ( try to decipher this sentence. haha.. )
Whatever it is, sorry to those i have been weird/tempermental to, and advance sorries to those i will be in the days to come. Try to bear with it for a while.
I need some time.
Anyhow, ocip went to do hall-to-hall tidbits selling today and on the whole, i'm very much happy, pleased and thankful to have a team like this. But to some extent, i'm afraid too. Afraid that as the team gets closer, each others flaws emerge even more and our patience with one another gets thinner.
On the other hand, i'm afraid not because of this, but because i will miss them when the whole project ends.
Remember i once said i felt like i was smoking through my life? This time, it's different. Maybe because there are people who values this as well.. it makes me wanna do more. ( whether ppl can see that or not. )
I want to make this happen.
I want.. i want.. i want.. so many things.
And i don't know,
how to be fine when i'm not.
And i don't know,
how to make this feeling stop.
sidenote: Please pardon my terrible english. i'm really zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy.
Friday, February 01, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Yes yes, i know i should stop gorging myself. But good food are just so tempting..muahaha.
I'm really thankful for the great team i have. Working for OCIP is probably one of the greatest experience ( other than council ) for me.
Jas is probably really sick of me for saying this.. but i think i'm lucky and blessed. Like i've said, i'm a terrible team player in lovebites and it would probably be my retribution if i have ppl like me in ocip but nooooooooo, the people there are really responsible and helpful.
i guess i probably should stop saying it least i start jinxing it with my really really foul mouth. haha..
School has approached it's 4th week. And as usual, i'm starting to be packed with projects, tutorials and endless lectures. Well, maybe not endless. But the timings are really killers. I sleep on avg 3 hours a day and by mid day, i usually find myself stealing naps before whatever activities i have planned for the night.
Sometimes, it gets pretty exhaustive. i know i might regret saying this in future.. but things have been really satisfying. I hope i don't give up half way like i usually do..
Watched 27 dresses last night. It was not too bad. Way better than i expected. Can't wait for ' PS I LOVE YOU ' to start airing. But since there's time, GO AND READ THE BOOK PEOPLE! It's REALLY good! nice nice nice! :D
a'right. time to zzz. night all!
Monday, January 21, 2008
Xie taught me this phrase over the hols. I'm not involved, i'm not involved. In matters that doesn't concern you, say, " I'm not involved. " But as the semester proceeds, i find myself sucked into numerous amounts of politics. Most of which i really am not involved..but only needed to be used as a scapegoat.
I really should consider xie's advice.
Went home over the weekend and Alvin showed me his 'birthday book'. And it looked fabulous. Undoubtedly, Alvin has very good friends. And it only makes me realise how plastic uni is.
I guess in uni, it's everyone for their own. Looks helps. And these ugly but deemed pretty people are useless when it comes to friendship and sticking through thick and thin.
All right, i'm overgeneralizing. But i bet many people feels the same as me.
That aside, i'm very happy that things @ ocip are falling into place. Last week was really intense. Maybe most people can't see it..but she can vouch that i've been running all over the place. But that doesn't matter. For when i finish meetings and discussions with the various ics, i can literally see things falling into place. And deep inside, the flame's spreading.
I'm really excited for CNY. Although my family's kinda dousing all festive mood with convenience, CNY and christmas will still always stay at the top for the list of festive seasons i like.
SOME PEOPLE may find CNY music noisy..but i beg to differ. It gives me a nostalgic feeling. :D
KL's having her dance performance thing next week. it's her BABY. haha.. Yay! Really excited to go too!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
And i thought u were good.
I thought i'ld enjoy.
But boy, was i wrong.
If you're so great, stop putting up a show.
If you're so great, stop taking things for granted.
If you're so great, watch what you're saying.
If you're so great, this post won't be up.
GO EAT YOUR OWN SHIT!
sidenote: i'm not talking about ocip.