This has been what i've always wanted to do.
My dream, as some would say.
This could very well be one of the few things i've done which i never gave up on half way through.
Because, this is really what i wanna do.

This has been THE thing that i've spoke to sandy, 3sa, sj, selinalim since sec school days. This is THE opportunity that sandy knows that i've been waiting so desperately for.

But as the trip looms,
I'm starting to experience something different.

Is that fear? Worry?
Why does it seem so negative?

Are we all evading the whole purpose of the trip?
That what matters most is the people we're helping benefits from our service and we ourselves pick up learning values from it?
Are regulations, corporations and ranks driving us all crazy?

Jasmine says that the top 4 have changed. That everyone's so power driven now. That everyone's thriving more for recognition.
Sigh..maybe she's right; maybe it's true.

Don't you think that puts us to shame?

When people like Esther, like MH, like Hiang En have been telling me how excited they are for the trip. When ppl like jon changed their nick to msgs for ocipans. When ppl like mf sends me e-cards to edge me on.

I can feel and i'm touched and glad for their sincerety. But on the other hand, are WE sincere? Is authority diluting this most basic value in us? If that's the case, i don't want this power.

I just want to be sincere.