Bye Singapore.

If anything happens, you guys know I love you.

It's been 2 months since I got back.. 2 months and a day to be exact and even though I really enjoy the space and hate the thought of being tied down by a job, the thought of me having spent the past 2 months lazing around sickens me.

Alex got me a digital frame for ze birthday. Xie and Emily both treated me to (a HUGE) dinner and drinks respectively [note to self: repay.when.rich.] and there's even a cake this year! So except for grandma's moody, jealous and disgusting face, it was a good day. I even had a Kristen Dunst movie marathon! Though I've never really been a fan of hers. Oh wells.

Been spending the past couple of days with Xie and Emily lately. Who would've ever thought the three of us would hang out together one day? Strange world. But I guess it's uncertainties like this that helps make each day different - for better or for worse. And I still think what Xie did for Emily was very nice.

So the moment I got the digital frame, I ripped the box and placed like tons of scenic yellowstone pictures in it and boy oh boy, it made me both happy and I guess nostalgic at the same time. It was perfect. Especially when I turn it on together with some sentimental music.

*sniff.

There are so many things I would so wanna buy if I had the money.

Top of the list? DSLR! Followed by The O.C soundtrack ( they have the best mix of music. THE BEST. ), a 3G phone, macbook. And of course, a huge portion would go to my savings for my future migration or a holiday home plan. I know, I've always talk about saving my money and it never happens. But so far, it's been going pretty well. Hopefully, it'll stay this way, or get better with more money.

Sigh, if I were a rich man..

I really want/need/yearn to get a DSLR asap. I've never seen Singapore as a place where beautiful pictures can be taken. But lately, I've seen so many picture perfect moments, so many opportunities. If only I had the camera. Oh and of course the skill. Which reminds me.. I should drop by the library to get myself one of those camera books while I'm still bumming around.

The past couple of days have also been pretty mind boggling for me. Singapore Airshow offered me the Marcom position which I feel could be very useful for my resume in the future, be it in or out of Singapore. But the pay and the terms of the contract were just too much. It practically yells " cheap labour! " in a thousand and one words. But to turn away a money making opportunity just wasn't easy.

Generally, everyone except my mum ( ok and Xie who's nagging at us to get a job SOON ) thinks that the job wasn't worth considering. So I finally wrote in and turned down the offer today. Surprisingly, the moment I hit the 'send' button.. I felt relieved and like I didn't make the wrong choice. In retrospect, I'm sure if I accepted the job, I'ld be feeling upset about the pay and wondering if I made the wrong move. So there, I think I've finally made the right choice.

In other totally random news,

I miss the smell of nature so much.

Have you ever experienced a sense of longing, minus-ing the pain that comes with it?

America really has brought to me a whole set of emotions I've never had before.

Really miss the sceneries, the snow and many more..

DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR DSLR!

To all of you American girls,

it's hard to imagine a world without you.

American girls,

I'ld like to be part of the world around you.

Driving a car by the seaside.

Watching the world from the bright side.

Feel that?

I hate it when people think that I am a lost case and behaves all superior than me.

I hate it even more when I start thinking that I am a lost case and let people behave all superior than me.

Less of pain, more of miss.

Everyday I run away from such emotions.

Everyday I get a day closer to making the wrong decisions again.

Every night I come face to face with this sense of worthlessness.

It's like I'm chasing my own tail. Over and over and over again.

Certainties disappear.

What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Never thought I'ld see Old Faithful go off again.

Sadly, this picture is even better than those I've taken with my 3.2 MegaPixel camera.

So anyway, Emily and I decided to meet up last night to have some sort of a career discussion. As always, that didn't work out. It eventually turned into an impromptu midnight picnic-by-the-beach, Dirty Dancing 2 and sleepover thing. I know sounds so romantic right? Too bad she's in a 5 year old relationship.

But only 5 mins into Dirty Dancing, we got irritated at how the music's always louder than the dialogue. So I suggested watching the movie with earphones. My laptop had two earphone sockets and we didn't know about hers so she said she'ld check it out before deciding if we should watch it on my computer instead. But even before she could reach for her computer, we got distracted by other conversational topics.

Halfway through though, in the middle of an absolutely random discussion, I jumped out of bed to grab my earphones and yelled out, " Hey Emily, so how many holes do you have? "

" Three. "

!@#$%^&$#

I think she misunderstood my question.

An American TALE.

It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky.

Had to stand in for mother for some godparent duty in church yesterday so I entered the chapel for the first time in YEARS. Took the opportunity to visit father's urn and when I saw it, guilt hit me almost instantly.

I remember when it first happened, I used to visit everyday. Then every week. Slowly, it morphed to every month and now, once in a few years. Are the dead forgotten so easily?

But dad hasn't been forgotten.

Standing in front of the urn, I kept thinking of how lonely dad might be, of how the place has changed, of how I haven't wiped the plate for a long time, of how mother would look like standing there praying, complaining, crying and asking for strength.

Guilt overload.

Anyways, it's really been a long time since I've been into church and I kept thinking back of the times we had to go for Catechism or Sunday classes. The church and especially those lessons were hardly a holy place for us lil' kids. Most of the time, I went to class only to see those hot St. Anthony chicks. Ha. That's where they hang out and parade.

So for that short 30 mins briefing yesterday, I couldn't help but take a peek around.

Looks like I haven't missed much all those years.

Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you?

Or are you going back to the one you love?

Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you,

Someone's gonna thank the stars above.

I've always had this childhood fantasy of running my own broadway. Be it to act, to direct, to conduct or to combine everything. And with the music, the lighting and the atmosphere, it would be the best show ever.