Good sun for a swim today.

"OOHHHHHHH!"

Could you ever know how much I care?

Could you ever know that out somewhere,

there's a boy who really hurts?

Managed to knock off work early the other day and while I was driving home, I noticed that there was a cricket/softball/baseball field on the opposite road and there were people playing there. Without thinking, I immediately made a U-turn and parked right behind a string of cars that probably belonged to spectators of the game. Was in the mood for Sublime so I put on the CD, lowered the chair and started drifting off.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing there and then. I've never been a huge fan of softball - much less Singapore's softball. But it felt right. With Brad's voice blasting in the car and my mind drifting in and out of zzz, I could've sworn for a split second, I was back at the softball pitch. It was both disturbing and nice and I could have spent the rest of the evening there pretending to be Nicholas Cage in 'The Matchstick Men'.

But I felt like a creepy stalker after about half an hour ( of course unofficially, I was also afraid of being caught by a traffic police ) so I decided to leave. By then, my body was taking control of the wheel and in the spur of a moment, I found myself speeding towards Pasir Ris Park.

( Wished so badly I had a DSLR then. Sunday afternoon by the beach? Perfect photo-taking opportunity. )

Have you ever wondered when the last time you went kite-flying was? And were that good times?

Except for images of a loong white string coiled around a Yakult bottle, I have almost ZERO recollection of how it was like to fly a kite. But as I was strolling down the beach, I saw kids running around trying to get their kites up high in the sky. The children's laughter were beautiful. Makes me wonder if we would laugh as heartedly as them or would we be too cool to run around the field with a string attached to your hand? Off-hand, I can already list off some people who will NOT go kite flying because we're too old.

Anyway the point is, I've never been a go-to-the-beach-alone type person and it felt weird. But good as well. Nothing concise was going through my mind yet it felt like it was exploding with thoughts trying to run straight out into the sea and never return.

It was a very contradictory experience.. very painful yet very nice. Somewhat like how the skype date with Matej was last night. And I can see that it was the same for him as well. Especially when we started talking about how things were and how much we missed spending time together. A topic we avoided until the very end.

It has always been a love-hate relationship with Matej. More love than hate but oh god, there were times where I wanted so much to strangle him. But those instances don't last and by the end of it all, either one of us would attempt to make up in the oddest way ever.

" smoke? "

" we are watching a movie upstairs. Come join us if you want. "

" Want my tuna? "

haha. really weird.

But it was amazing how we could still finish off each other's sentences last night. Like we've been friends for years. And he's probably the only person that I can reminisce with without feeling.. stupid? Guniang? I can't find the right word.

I hope his plan to come really works.

Picture this.

In a setting exactly like that Christmas Party.

*round of applause.

music.

Yvonne (sitting alone, guitar on hand ) : " This next song is quite simply the greatest composition in human history. And if you disagree, I will fight you. "

Sniggers by people like Justin who recognized the song.

Gonna find my baby gonna hold her tight gonna grab some afternooon delight.

My motto's always been when it's right it's right,

why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

*Casey walks out slowly with his guitar and takes a sit while singing.

Casey and Yvonne: Wheeenn everything's a little clearer in the light of day.

Anndd you know that night is always gonna be there anywayy.

*Casey's brother walks in slowly with his guitar and takes a sit while singing.

Casey and his bro:

Thinking of you's working up my appetite.

Looking forward to a little afternoon delight.

Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite.

And the thought of loving you is getting so exciting.

All ( BIGGG horny grin ):

SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT! Afternoon delight! AAaaah ahh afternoon delight. Aahh ahh afternoon deli-ight.

All:

Started out this morning feeling so polite,

I always thought a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite.

But you've got some bait-a-waiting and I think I might,

Try nibbling ( low voice, cheeky seductive eyebrow raising to the audience ) a little afternoon delight.

All: Sky rockets in flight!

Justin (from the last row in the audience + really feeeeling it like he always does ): Pooooooo!

* proud friends in the audience laughs; old people who cannot quite understand the craziness of the youngsters laugh.

All: Afternoon delight!

Casey does the solo.

Justin: woooop!

All: AAahh ahh afternoon delight! AAahh ahh afternoon deli-igght!

Casey's bro does the flute.

Casey looks at Sigrid flirtatiously for affirmation. I look at my friends for mine. They smile back.

Casey and Yvonne ( Casey's bro does the really hard high pitch harmonizing ): Pleeassee be waiting for me baby when I come arounnd. We could make a lot of love before the sun goes downn.

All ( with a lil' sychronized dumb left right front back action ):

Thinking of you's working up my appetite.

Looking forward to a little afternoon delight.

Rubbing sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite.

And the thought of loving you is getting so exciting.

All ( including young audience and older ones who are crazy enough ):

SKY ROCKETS IN FLIGHT!

Audience: Pooooooo!

All: AFTERNOON DELIGHT!

Audience: wooop!

All: Aah ah afternoon delight! Aah ah afternoon delight! Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahhh

Casey's bro: We sound good.

Yvonne: We sound really good.

Casey: I'm freaking out. We sound GREAT!

silence.

All: Afternoon delight!

Melody.

Proud friends in the audience laughs from deep within their belly and clap.

• Justin reminds me of 'Afternoon Delight'
• I'm not being narcissist - Casey and his bro are better singers/players/funnier than me hence they do the tougher harmonizing ( which I not so secretly want to learn )
• No idea why it's Casey, his bro and me.
• No idea why I'm doing this at this hour.
• No one left yet.
• Matej, Kelsey, Agata, Karolina laughs real hard and looks like they were really enjoying the show. :) They think we're sexy. hahaha.
• Matej keeps yelling, " Oh My Gawd!"
• Crazy Celia is laughing at how dumb we looked. Seriously woman.
• Julie, Sharen, Evelyn, Yumi, Jana gets totally swooned over by Casey's bro.
• Sigrid is so proud of Casey she could've cried.
• Ann, Joe, Rita, J.P, Mara looks on with pride.
• I can see Sarah, Nick and Orval probably rolling their eyes at how dumb we looked. Then Sarah laughs. ( I can literally hear it. )
• Becky and Juliann doesn't understand the lyrics but they love the spirit. They were laughing too. Not too heartedly though.
• Now I cannot stop thinking of how I sang the song loudly in front of Kelsey. WITH ALL THE WRONG LYRICS! I think I was screaming, " Fly Robinsons fly! " ( with tons of gusto! ) for like a million times until she went, " ermmm, I think you're singing it wrong. " ZOMG!
• I will stage the perfect show one day and show the people downstairs that I'm better off without them.

Am sitting at Vivo's rooftop right now. It's 545pm - dinner time and most certainly the best time during working hours. I love sitting by the bench, looking at all the kids/teenagers/adults/old folks strut around the waddle pool right before heading over to the harbour for a quick smoke.

It's time like this do I wish I have a DSLR to capture a baby in pampers stumbling around the pool. Or kids making all kinds of geyser-like splashes as they chase one another. Once in a while, a kid would fall and the rest would crowd around trying to pacify him/her. I could even say I saw a boy offer his lollipop to cheer her up today and it wouldn't be weird but such wonderful scenes only happens in TV shows.

The point is,

Even kids knows how to care for one another.

What about adults?

3 weeks into this job and I'm starting to feel like I'm living a mafia way of life in the store. Somewhat like school actually, where different people have their different 'backings' so they'll look cool or won't get bullied by others. It's always good to have someone watch your back you know.

Likewise, everyone in the store has their own 'backing' and thankfully, I'm in the right gang of aunties (G.O.A) where the big boss is the most experienced and hence, most respected lady ( because nobody dares to step on her toes since she's been there even longer than the supervisor ). They tell me when's too early to leave or when's too late to leave ( can you believe this last phrase? ) or they'll go, " little girl ( they can't really get my name right ), stop pouring samples. Start packing up and wait for my cue to leave " or " little girl, don't leave before me. The supervisors here likes to pick on the newcomers. Tell me where or when you wanna go and I'll lead the way and they won't give you any trouble. "

woo hoo.

But even though they are always looking out for me, I still think they lack a certain compassion in them.

A wheel-chaired guy came by our puny lane today. He could talk fine but even holding a small paper cup proved a challenge to him. When he stopped to try my drink, we spoke for a while. Ok, MORE than a while and I have to admit that there were awkward silences for the most part but he still tried his best to yak on.

Unfortunately the G.O.A weren't too pleased with that. Not with me talking but with the man 'blocking the way'. And they didn't put it too nicely. ALL of them were complaining about how he was obstructing business or the human traffic after he left.

Hell, they get upset even when the Haagen-Daz promoter asks me to help her throw her rubbish on my way out.

Is this how the lifestyle here is right now? Or is it just the 'modern generation'? Does everything have to be in such a rush? Even co-workers don't bother to smile or nod at each other when we walk past each other at the back. Most of the time, I feel like an idiot always trying to be friendly.

And the truth is, when that cleaning uncle went overboard today, I felt good asking him to shut up. ( see, mafia. ) But, I felt bad thereafter because.. well, he's a senior and I shouldn't be so sarcastic to him. But he shouldn't be yelling at me FIRST. Especially in the middle of the crowd when I did nothing wrong. You know how that makes me mad.

Assumptions. tsk. Always makes an ASS of U and ME.

The most important question is..

Am I going to be like that as I grow older?

This is a screwed up place.

1:52 - 2:17

Love the solo.

Definitely more 'O.C' than 'P.S I love you'.

1) IamnotaquitterIamnotaquitterIamnotaquitter.

Quitting is NOT an option.

2) Stop procrastinating! Start finding ways to leave.

3) Stop looking for your mum's affirmation. It doesn't happen and the sooner to realize that, the sooner you can leave this behind.

4) Stop expecting your family to treat you with respect. That does not happen either and things will be easier if you rid yourself of such expectations.

5) You depend on no one but yourself.

6) Don't forget to be a friend.

Still can't decipher you.

Relatives are coming in tomorrow through Sunday. Alvin has a room that would be freaking empty because he will be at camp most of the week. I have to go to work early in the morning every single day they are here. But guess what,

I have to vacate my room just because she thinks her sons will never let go of their room.

She confuses me all the time.

Seriously,

Why are they always at the top of her priority?

Why can't she be rational for once?

I'm really tired of this struggle.

Don't wanna fight no more.

Don't even need your love. Just PLEASE, be fair.

Do you know how tiring it is to play the role of a husband, a daughter and a shield?

Do you know how important having the faith is for your daughter?

But it's too late for that.

I gotta learn how to quit being a wuss and start walking away.

I've always been your unfilial child anyway.