It's scary when you realise how competitive uni is when one sits back and think of the good old days.

Have been thinking alot about those uniform days lately. As much as we hated it then, i miss the uniforms. Both the greens and the blues.

I miss kl.
I miss sj.
I miss 3sa.

I know..there are many more i am not listing but one way or another, the 3 of them have been by my side all the time. And i bet that if i were in the same classes as them now, i wouldn't feel the way i'm feeling.

I guess the best thing is, we tend to watch each other's back. And that's a virtue that everyone's losing right now. In our fight for success, for recognition and most disgustingly, results, do we find ourselves stepping on top of one another? Pushing the other person down just so he/she can be your platform to bring you closer to the top?

I do find myself doing that once in a while. Or just contemplating whether i should. It's a far cry from what others have done but i still feel guilty each time. Even if what i did was to raise myself to the other person's shoulder, i still feel guilty. And i find myself wondering if others feel guilty as well. And if they did, why are they not showing it?

Why are they blatantly telling lies in front of us when we went through it together? And why are we not saying anything to defend ourselves? Everyone's action's a big question mark.

This sem, things are a little.. different. I guess you can say that like others, i have changed too. Changed to be more detestful than before. More..unsure to make decisions. More hum to make comments. More unwilling to make the move.

Sometimes i feel that shutting my trap is a good idea coz more trouble's gonna brew if the beans were spilled. But at other times, i feel deeply framed and made used of that i just wanna scream at everyone to shut up and reflect on their own actions.

Sigh..

what's a sec sch / jc teachers' pet as compared to a uni's?

Like what the older people tend to say, " chong ming fan bei chong ming hai " ( Ie, the smarter you are, the more trouble you'll lay out for yourself. )

If only we are all as sincere, true and naive as ah wang.