Told u I'ld go through a mental trauma when I'm back.

Stepped into school today with a huge sense of dread. Meeting cindy this trip made me contemplate further on what I've been doing with my life. They are vetting designs, approving designs, and earning money for their leisure activities. They are talking about attending meetings abroad and about staff retreats.

I, on the other hand, am here stappling comm books.

Even mai's friend who's holding a tourism degree but main job is replying random enquiry emails in another company is raking in $2.9k a month.

I reply enquiry emails too! So where's my 2.9?

Money's nt that imp if there's growth, joy and satisfaction in a job.

What do I have?

Mai and my million dollar baby.

Putting aside the job scope, I'm also once again struggling with this whole deal.

I'm happy being with her. Very very happy. Very very VERY happy.

But it's like I finally took a week to forget about the whole jealousy thing. And I'm not sure if I want it back.

I don wanna go through 2nd guessing her again. Or letting my mind run wild. Or feeling thorn between guilt and desire.

I don wanna fight without knowing if I should.

Wanna trust her the way I did at Sipadan.

Who would wanna go through these?

Oh god.
go away you mental struggles so I can stay.
OR
come to me bravery so I can go.