Sometimes it sucks that no one around truly understands what it feels like to have gone through those 3 months alone.

Alvin turned on to Spirit's soundtrack while we were daidee-ing today. These music pieces were the ones blasting from my psp during my slow walks to and fro the sanctuary back at Yellowstone so whenever I hear it, I'll experience this indescribable sense of nostalgia.. and accomplishment for being able to break boundaries. If i'm lucky, i might even feel inspired to do so again!

But when I tried to causally mention this to Alvin just now, he took it as a joke and turned the whole table to laughing at it. It's very disturbing to have people laughing at something so serious and meaningful to you.. but I also know from deep within that they will never fully understand that independence and joy I felt when I was there in 2009. Maybe this was what Kelsey meant when we spoke after her long camping trip with her family back then. "They were not there."

oh boy, those were good times.

Anyway, earlier this evening, I suddenly had a bout of dono-what-u-call of mother passing on one day.

And it doesn't feel good AT ALL.

Over the years, I have grown, no.. changed, from a person who grumbles but still work to a person who grumbles and DOESNT work.

And it's makes matters worse when mother is not exactly living the high life at 428. She slogs day and night before cny AND on cny itself just to keep the house guest friendly - while we keep ourselves busy gambling our money away. For years now, I've been hearing the yearn in her voice to join us. yet whenever she does, she either irritates everyone or feel obliged to take care of the welfare of relatives..

My mother can never sit still!

So when the night falls , she usually gets too tired to join us and bids us goodnight long before bedtime. Year after year, night after night, I have to see her walk back to the room in disappointment as she missed her chance to join in the fun.

This year's no different.

But by not contributing too much to the home this year, one question constantly pops up in my head:

am I unknowingly becoming my brothers?

Now that's a scary thought.


On a different and more exciting note, Day 1 of 4 has passed! :)

And my spanking new red undies have been doing me well. Haha.

Thank you for being the magic u are.




Gong hei fatt choi everyone!