I feel like a complete ass because you've been so nice. You've been more than nice, in fact. Yet I make you a victim of my own psychological struggle.
And you don't even know what the trigger point is.

but you won't understand.

You won't understand how it is to always feel so cheap and small at the time.

You won't understand what it feels like to not have any stupid rights. To not know where you stand. To not know what to ask or what you can get upset about or what you can say yes or no to.

or to hear how everyone is saying I'm a fool.

worse yet, to hear yourself calling me a fool.

You won't understand how it is to stand at one corner cracking your brains trying to understand how one person can have fun with two people at the same time or questioning myself if all the deep thoughts you've been showing me are one of the things you've shown him as well.

You also won't understand how this ego i've worked so hard on to build back is getting smashed, kicked and trampled on time and again.

or to think of someone you shouldn't be thinking of only to see visions of her in another person's arms.

and then.. there are also times where i feel like such a jerk for getting mad at you.

Because I know how hard you've tried.

I know how much obligations there might be. You know his family, he knows yours. You know his friends, he knows yours.

I get it. It's not easy. I never thought it was. But how do i know if this is even bothering you at all? What if I'm only just part of your fun?

Am I supposed to swallow my pride just because you've been trying? And what IS trying?

Am I even allowed to ask all these questions?

I mean even right now,
you have either me or him to take care of you no?

what's there for you to lose?

and he's still your boyfriend right?

what's there for him to lose?

you have no idea man.

You think I don't care about you?
why do you think it's so hard?

But if this is what you want,
then i dont think i can give you what you want.
and i really don't think you're willing to give me what i want as well.