Do you know the serenity prayer? It goes something like this.

God,

grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to tell the difference.

The serenity prayer came to mind before bed last night.

and now for the yvonne prayer.

Dear god,
I is tired.

amen.

Can't believe i'm outta bed already. It is a semi-chilly Sunday morning. The kinda mornings that accompanied those so-long-ago msgs from Taiwan. Kinda like the pre-post-Hilda mornings. The yearning kind, the emo kind.

I don't like emo.

I keep feeling the need to keep a straight head and a straight heart in dealing with my emotions. Even if it means turning into a stone-hearted bastard. Only then can I be less vulnerable. Only then can I stop myself from thinking.

If I were who I was before, entering a period like now would have made me a very angry person. Angry at the world, angry at life, angry at anyone who is happy around me.

I would have blamed god and called the world unfair.

Well i STILL call the world unfair. But this time, I don't seem to harbor that same amount of anger. Nor the same amount of energy. It is not only frustration that is raging in me. I'd be lying if I say I'm not hoping for a miracle or an ounce of hope or for a u-turn to the situation. You know, something unexpected and out of the ordinary. But after so many occasions, you kinda get the picture and know your place.

And the realization of that is draining.

So what can you do? Lan lan just walk. Too lazy to think? Too tried to fight? Pointless to get mad? Just walk only.

Of course things aren't as simple as it sounds. Many a-times, remembering her choices would put a bullet through my heart and I find it so tempting to fall down and dwell in self-pity. Am I really not worth that fight for?

But what good would making myself remain that way do? where would that lead me? Am I to emerge a survivor or a victim?

At the point I'm at now, my only hope is to tire myself entirely so I'll be sapped from every ounce of energy left to deal with the battle within. Keep yourself busy, they say.. and all your troubles will be at bay.

Have I mentioned how awesome 881 was last night? Well, it was awesome. It was SO good.

The musical was only like a billion times better than the movie.

Initially skeptical about the seemingly low budget production, cast and lame factor of the show, 881 the musical turned out to be a good reminder to why we should never stinge on enjoying live performances.

The music to the show was amazing. Well, not really the chinese nor the Hokkien version of it since I barely understood a word. But the english subtitles to it spoke volumes. Even though I can't quite remember the translation to most of it now, I'm still thinking about the genuine-nity that struck me. It's impressive how a song in dialect may carry so much more wisdom than some of the angry chart-breaker english songs i listen to day in day out. It was also moments like these where I knew I could never describe the same experience with my own words that I counted my blessings for the ideal companion. Like I've said, it's like you felt the need to feel empty because you wanted someone to experience it too but then you realize... oops, problem solved! heh.

Should've gotten those darn CD and script.

There was a moral to the story as well.. and it was quite blatant actually - though I'm sensing that many may have overlooked it. The show last night gave me a whole new respect to Royston Tan.. whose movies I quite frankly didn't entirely understood. The play of lights, sound and body language was very intelligently crafted. Especially that of the Fu the Lu and the Shou. How I wish I had those stage management skills.

Most importantly, amidst coming out with powerful lyrics, music and the edited storyline, humor was injected throughout the entire 2 hour. The women at home will definitely enjoy it.

Oh what can I say? - I adore musicals. Especially the ones with music that relates to different situation.

can i can i can i be a song writer please?

Another ditch in the road - you keeping moving.
Another stop sign - you keep moving on.


You win, Mr CC.