By the third day, it gets a little more worrying and a little more xin tong-ing. But still I know there's nothing I can and nothing I must do.

Delayed reaction goes something like this:

Piak piak piak!

.......
.....
...
Wait for it.....
....
...
..

.

.

.

Ouch.

I think I've got the slow reaction disease.

Truth is, I still very much feel like the fool. Especially after those 3 breaking points. And instead of having to deal with the good-time-recollections like I was preparing myself for, I constantly find myself being slapped with past deceit so plain, I'll wonder if I'm stupid for not pointing it out when I had the chance to or if the aggressor's stupid for thinking I am that gullible.

I do have flashbacks as well. but the pain and insult of unveiling one truth after another, or to discover that someone important thinks so lowly of you seems to be overpowering the butterflies that flapped.

Sometimes I get mad at her for being so disrespectful and for assuming that simple excuses can cover all aspects of a bluff. Yet at others, I hate myself for being so unforgiving. Deep down I know that at some level, I was at fault too - since I knew what I was getting myself into and knew about some of the secrets since a long time ago.. but on days where my head isn't as clear as I'd like it to be, I still feel disrespected and spit on. Sigh.. looks like I need more time to grow up.

It seems like my only way of coping with these ego trips is to adopt the most detestable method to handle any thing - and that is to escape. Especially with the weather these days. So tempting to cozy up on bed and watch a funny movie at night. But while it's nice to keep myself busy and not deal with all the dramas, I cannot help but realize that life is starting to feel empty. Like I'm not solving anything and I won't be able to run away from it for too long. Soon I would have to face them. Perhaps Mai was right - these are phases in life we have to get through with. This is how we grow.

But she too said that I'm too young to be numb at everything. And that's true too! crapp.

Oh PMS, is that you churning in me?

ANYWAY,

A mass resignation stint is happening in the office. All of a sudden the people surrounding me are disappearing. But I'm only half as affected as I thought I'd be. I think it'll hit me only when the reality of it all sinks in more and more but it's a good time for me to think even more seriously about my future. Maybe it's the right time for me to take the plunge as well. but the very thought of breaking into a new culture, meeting new people, handling new politics scares the crap outta me.

Still, since the letter throwing, things in the office seems to be lighter. Everyone is joking more and the tension is removed. Even gaga gets playful. That is until THE MAN struts into the office.

How nice it'll be if the everyday culture in the office is like that.

But life isn't all a bed full of roses is it?

I need my gilbert dose. And some USA love while you're at it. kthxbye.