Seeking comfort in Jason Mraz.
Good music, a warm cuppa tea and secret glances at meaningful things on my desk.
What more to ask for on a cold spiritually lethargic morning right.

So vexed lately.
I find no more will to fight.

WooL carried a joke too far last night. And I think it has unwittingly evolved into an ego war.
They are probably waiting for me to appease them.
But the thing is, I see no fault in what happened yesterday.
It is not like it happened overnight - I have always maintained radio silence between those hours. And I've been encouraging them to do the same thing when they are out with their loved ones as well.
So basically, I made no change yesterday.
But they decided on their own to test me last night. To see if I would contact them - which I would eventually.
Granted, they were worried. And I appreciated that - even though i thought it slightly strange to be worried on a random night.

But to test me?

Bang.

Do they not know me?

It feels like they are doing to me what they were so strongly advocating against the past months.

Anyway, I did try to ease the tension last night. But maybe I've been doing it wrong all my life. Maybe i've apologized too often before.. and I didn't say those words last night. And maybe that's why they are reacting this way now.

Things will probably work out eventually. I just don't understand why I have to say I care . 10 yrs man. I thought we have moved beyond that.

Do I not have any say in my life at all. Why am I always trapped in all these circles of obligations? Can't I choose who and what my obligations are?

Maybe Poink was right before. I have so many people to account to and for, I won't be able to hang on.

In recent weeks, I have felt like my dignity, my respect and my pride has been compromised beyond my own acceptable level. It's not pertaining to certain instances anymore. I feel it deep within me now.

Like it or not, I think I'm starting to despise myself.

But I know better to than dwell in those thoughts.

So I guess for now, it's

Ah la la la la la la
life is wonderful.
Ah la la la la la la
life goes full circles.