Haven't sat here for quite some time. Thought after the last saga, I wouldn't be coming here again.

Its been good. Really have been and if it were another, I would've seized the opportunity.

But this time I'm scared. I don even know if scared is an apt word anymore.. Seemed to have used it so often it seems to have nullified the meaning of it.

Once bitten, twice shy they say. Eventually it's the good times that has the sharpest blade.

But oooh how thy heart aches.

But I'm not even letting myself think too much now. Either that or I've been to sleepy to think. Coz eventually when judgment day comes, I know I won't be able to say yes to sharing something that's supposed to be so magical.

And on the same note, who knows if it's even my choice to say yes or no too.

The other day I blasted "as the deer" while I skimmed through some of their photos I've seen. Not a good feeling I must say. But I shan't comment today. I'm just too tired and commenting makes one think and thinking makes one wonder and then the whole cycle will evolve.

Damn.you.big.fat.bubbles.in.my.head.

In other news though, despite the week being good, its been physically exhausting as well. Monday night's little rendezvous with Judy and a couple of others frm work drained me and I'm still suffering from the aftereffects of it.

Two 830s and a field trip is just about enough to wrinkle this old soul. Heh heh. Where is the life and spirit a 24 yr old should have?

I feel like I cannot cope with the work load anymore. Maybe I'm not that competent, or maybe I'm just plain lazy but the pile ups's looking a little more than what my plate can hold.

Which also makes me wonder if i'm going to be like this for the bulk of my life. Am I going to forever be complacent or will I push my boundaries? How do I know the difference?

I really miss sipadan and yellowstone. They are 2 different experiences but both are oh-so-great.

At yellowstone, I felt young. Like life was just screaming outta me. I decide what path to take everyday and things were slow-mo. Great to be outta touch frm the world enough to breathe on my own and still contactable like maybe once a fortnight.

Sipadan was slow too. But the shiokness of rolling off the boat, descending into the water, exploring the less humid side of nature and ascending with satisfaction and enough lethargy is undescribible. Not forgetting the assurances she was giving then. Mmm hmmm. Perfecto.

But i'm no longer living in the past as well. I know brilliance like that is well over. Sipadan has passed and so has yellowstone.

Still, it doesn't hurt to dream every once in a while does it?

Right now though, this rusty fella gotta get up and pee and brave myself for the nxt 2 days.

Have a good weekend folks!