Thursday, March 24, 2011













I've always thought that hitting the limit might be a kind of a liberation.

If you think about it theoretically, it should be as simple as tipping over the edge.. no?

No.

Looks like it actually means letting things haunt you all day, everyday.

I forgot to consider that climb to the peak. Or that one drip or one nudge to knock you overboard.

That blow may be huge as well.

Maybe this time it really is one time too often.

I'm starting to think that I can't give her the happiness she desires. Or evoke the type of laughter I thought I could.

She needs someone with a big enough heart.
-- I don't have that.

It's really tough this time.
I haven't had this much problem getting rid of the impressions and the image before.
Whether she like to call it that way or not, that was a choice.

And I.. need to be a little bit more selfish.

I'm not my strongest right now.
There's her, there's work, there's friendship... A lil too much in one seating.
I'm having a hard time dealing with my own ego.
And instead of blogging about how her decisions are affecting me, I would very much prefer to talk about how a perfectly bad day was changed to an imperfectly good one.

Once in a while it's nice to seek solace in a safety net.
One that doesn't forsake me when the opportunity arises..
And one that I can provide a safety net for at other times as well.

But lately, I can't make her laugh or smile or be happy.
And at that moment, it's mainly my fault for being unable to step outta the cells in my mind.


Beginning to wonder if I'm expecting too much outta her.
Or if by trying to make her improve, I'm making her change when she don't want to.

As much as I am upset at what happened,
I have to also remind myself that I may not be the one who can bring her the same kind of satisfaction.

sigh.
So much doubts.
If I were his friend, I would tell him that it's the best time for him to swoop in and rescue her like the hero he is.

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