Wednesday, September 02, 2009

I hate the night.
I hate how the darkness overwhelms one's soul.
and i guess tonight's the night when reality strikes.

Theoretically, this should be a good night to zzz.
its been 2 nights since i last felt a bed..
2 nights since i last laid down and after sending a couple of emails, my eyes were heavy.

i was so prepared to zzz, until it crept up to me ever so silently, ever so quickly.


i forgot it was also my first night back in sgp.
my first night having no one to turn to.
first night i have to play cool in front of everyone after such a long time.
first night without dad around.

it suddenly occurred to me that i'm gone for good.
that this is the end of that life.
and it's back to THIS life.

Why cant ppl around me just understand all of this?
all that most ask are explanations.
"where have you been?"
"stop your disappearing act!"
maybe this is exactly why i was gone.

i really should be man enough and swallow all of these down.
But for some reason, tonight's real hard for me to pretend.
maybe i just don't wanna pretend anymore.

i've ran away for so long.
how long more can i run?
but this is not what i want - that much i'm sure of.
so what is my next course of action?

i just cant describe this fear.

<\em> Night-time sharpens,
heightens each sensation . . .
Darkness stirs and
wakes imagination . . .
Silently the senses
abandon their defences . . . <\em>

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