A typical conversation with mother goes like this:

" Tomorrow you're not going out? Ok, good. So wake up at 8 am, 9 am send your brother to work, then we bring ah ma out for breakfast. After that, I go and work in the afternoon but i think i can get out at 3 or 4 pm. After that we go shopping for your work clothes. But don't tell your ah ma. We secretly go out. "

*GAG*

Firstly, I'm not interested in sending my brother to work or going for breakfast with grandma.

Secondly, I'm not interested in shopping for work clothes because not only have i not found a job, we also usually end up running your errands and you know how much i hate trying on new clothes unless absolutely necessary.

Thirdly, why do i feel like we're going out on a tryst?

but..

How do you say things like this without hurting your mum?

I'ld much rather we remain in that distant manner than having you try to break the ice by following me WHEREVER I GO. I hate the fact that you're starting to open up.. and you just assume i wanna listen to you or i wanna spend my whole day with you.

Even if i wanted to do that, I wouldn't anymore. Because that's how you slowly eat into sending me on guilt trips. Something like what you're beginning to do right now. And after that, the family will do it too. SHIT. I'm sorry, but i'm not going to follow your footsteps anymore. I need to break free.

I don't wanna spend the whole day in the room with you, i don't want to watch all those movies with you. I mean, abit's alright but once you know i'm not going out and you have the day off, you start making plans. OMG! and you don't even ask. You just decide. Just like that.

I'm not your subordinate. I want to be left alone.. stop invading into my circle of control. Sigh, but how can I tell you that? You can't even take the hint of my shifting out on my own. Either that, or you totally just ignore that fact.

It's not I don't care about you. I am grateful to you but you are smothering me, mother.

Totally hate how those guilty pangs are inching in.

My Id and Superego so must stop this war right now. Because i can feel myself caving into the pressure very soon.