Happy New Years' eve everyone.

All over facebook, people's statuses are changing - mostly whining about how bad 2010 is.

But what about Auld Lang Syne?

Every major festivals - like Christmas, bday, Chinese new year, English new year, I'll always wonder if this would be the last one I'd be going through. This year's no different. The only thing different is that this time, I'm in too much of a daze to give it too much thoughts.

In 2010, everything was unplanned. Every step I took could on one hand.. Be described as a reluctance to make a decision, as guo yi tian shuan yi tian. But on the other, it could also be seen as various leaps of faith.

Afterall, it was in 2010 that I started my first full time job. It was in 2010 that I started having earning power and hence spending power. And it was in 2010 that I have more control over my life.

But I don't know if I am indeed capable of running my own life.

I have always wanted a laid back life where I enjoy my work, where I do my part for the family, where I'm always there for my friends and where I still have the time to do the things I like to do.

Before I started work, my target was to save up most of the money I earn for a possible trip back to yellowstone. Back to where life was the lightest for me.

I even made plans to save EXTRA money to go on various getaway trips to nearby islands, to Taiwan, to Malaysia, to bintan's etc. I wanted to live a life of fun and of experiences and many photographic memories.

Alas, things didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to be.

I did go to taiwan, I did go on really really really small trips but life pretty much revolved around work and people FROM work. Family ties were broken. 10 years worth of friendship were put to the test.

And most importantly, I think I've never despised myself so badly before.

But am I sad about it? Honestly? I don't think so. I am disappointed in myself. I am sorry for having no integrity, dignity nor loyalty. But I really don't think 2010 was a bad year.

That's why I don really understand why there can be a bad year anymore. Could there really be one.. Or is it us who usually focuses on e bad stuff?

Whichever the case, this is one thing I don't think I want the answers to.

Haha.


Happy New Year everyone.
May 2011 be an even better year.