I can feel the tension coming back.

Mother and I had a rough past few days. Her action this afternoon puts me back in that very strange spot again and I find myself choosing between standing up for myself or being filial.

I hate how she can show such varying acts of love over the same incident and find me petty for taking offense. I don't see how she can't understand why I'd feel this way when she feels the same everytime grandma does it to her.

Tonight we sleep in separate rooms because of the tension. And while I like my privacy, I start to worry if she might feel abandoned and hurt. I don't want to and I won't go over. but I can't deny how guilt is consuming me. And it's making me very tired.

These needless internal squabbles between what I should do and what I want to do has to end. But how so?

There is so much anger within and I don't know how to get rid of it. And the more unhappy I feel, the more hung up I get over minute incidents and sneers passed by everyone in this family.

What a wuss.