a long long time ago.. i used to tell people that i feel that i had scraped through life. I scraped through school and for most major exams had decent enough grades. I scraped through uni, got myself a degree with almost an empty mind. I scraped through everything with the blessings of god...  and started to wonder if it was a blessing at all in the long run.

so when i took up this job, i wanted to scrape no more. I started studying hard while everyone copied. I tried to analyze traffic from angles to digest it. i tried my best in doing this myself.

rather unfortunately, back at cm, i was embarrassed about my job but i didn't feel as embarrassed about myself.

here, i am proud of my job. 

but the self esteem has been reduced to a liquid pile of dirt.

mother used to say because i wasn't as intelligent, i have to work doubly hard to catch up with others.
this string of advise isn't working.

what do you do when your best isn't good enough to the people who matters?

what else can i do about being stupid.

the damage is so real when the pain is inflicted by your own girlfriend.