This has been what i've always wanted to do.
My dream, as some would say.
This could very well be one of the few things i've done which i never gave up on half way through.
Because, this is really what i wanna do.

This has been THE thing that i've spoke to sandy, 3sa, sj, selinalim since sec school days. This is THE opportunity that sandy knows that i've been waiting so desperately for.

But as the trip looms,
I'm starting to experience something different.

Is that fear? Worry?
Why does it seem so negative?

Are we all evading the whole purpose of the trip?
That what matters most is the people we're helping benefits from our service and we ourselves pick up learning values from it?
Are regulations, corporations and ranks driving us all crazy?

Jasmine says that the top 4 have changed. That everyone's so power driven now. That everyone's thriving more for recognition.
Sigh..maybe she's right; maybe it's true.

Don't you think that puts us to shame?

When people like Esther, like MH, like Hiang En have been telling me how excited they are for the trip. When ppl like jon changed their nick to msgs for ocipans. When ppl like mf sends me e-cards to edge me on.

I can feel and i'm touched and glad for their sincerety. But on the other hand, are WE sincere? Is authority diluting this most basic value in us? If that's the case, i don't want this power.

I just want to be sincere.

...

...

sigh.

有口难言。




What will mr tim tan do if he was here right now?
He'd make a plan and he'd follow through.
that's what mr tim tan'd do!

It has finally come down to the last 2 days of this internship stint. And i have to say... i kinda..really... hate it here.

haha..i guess this will be the first time i'm actually not going to miss a place i'm leaving. Worry not, i'll still bid my farewells to my desk, the toilet, this laptop.. but on the whole, i'm more than excited to leave Bole.

Now that my work's ending, i really am clueless why the company still wants me to come back to work EVERYDAY when i practically have nothing to do from 845am to 6pm. I'm like online the entire day, checking liv tyler out. It's best when no one's in the office because i can use the opportunity to watch some movies online. ( by defn, some movies actually means watching the hulk 6-7 times. haha.. )

So, the trip's in a couple of days and the top few of us already had some problems here and there. I wouldn't say it's exactly bad coz at least, we can ( i hope ) get some things sorted out before we head off for a foreign land. I really hope the trip's gonna be a fruitful one to the team as well as myself. I guess the whole preparation stage for the trip really set me thinking about older days.. days in uniform.

well, more about that next time. I'm too lazy to talk right now.

bye.

It really makes no sense.

You guys really make no sense.

Sometimes, i wish i could just...


poof.

HAPPY 31st BIRTHDAY LIV!
HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY FAT!

Thank god for the 12 hour time lag between New York and Singapore.. now i'm able to accompany one in Singapore first before flying over to New York to satisfy the other.

HAHAHA..

Rnj!! =))

Liv Tyler singing in Sweeny Todd ( Jersey Girl )

HAHAHAHA..

Liv sure made Toby sexy.

Liv Tyler with Nintendo DS Promo

Livvvvvvv Tyyylllleerrrrrrrrrrr.

ah... so hot!

-faints-

Perhaps I need my own sanctuary.
Perhaps I need to be in solitude for a day or so.

Then maybe, things will flow like water and you all will understand better.

Perhaps.

The grass is forever greener on the other side.

Sometimes i wish that people had more faith in me,
Sometimes i wish that everyone stop expecting so much from me.

Today, i yearn for the second.

I can only do so much. I'm really not that capable at all.

Sigh.

goodnight.

:)))))))))



Every other time.

China Sichuan Earthquake * 因为爱

No matter how much tears we shed or how our hearts go out to them, we can never truly understand how the survivals must feel. especially the mothers.

Even if we're out there at ground zero, only grieve will overcome us. what we cannot experience, however, is the pain these parents must be feeling.

Although i'm no ardent advocate, pray. whatever ur religion is, pray for the victims, pray for the survivals, pray for china. They are humans too and who are we to live happily here while there are still people out there, recovering from the shock and coping with their greieves.

There are talks that YMCA may be planning for a year end volunteer trip to Sichuan to help rebuild the lives of the survivals. To those who can go, please go. To those who can't, do something you can..

Donating money may bet too taxing for some who don't have spare cash themselves. why not do this..

instead of buying ur regularheavy breakfast, grab a 'happy panda' bread from breadtalk and have it for breakfast every morning. it costs $2 and 100% of the proceeds goes to help sichuan victims.

They really don't deserve this. Do your best to help them ease their worries.

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sings
The new world begins

Heading for a burn-out.

I am an irresponsible leader.
I have failed to watch out and feel for my team.

dear bole,

i really can't cope. and i really hate you.

Love,
Yvonne.

since my return from redang, i've been burdened by really terrible headaches which makes my brain feels stiff and body weak. Worst yet, i feel like i've been possessed daily - with my eyes often not fixed on anything or mind not concentrating on anything. Sadly, and with much much regrets, i haven't been putting my best efforts in ocip and i hope with all my heart that the team understands that i just cannot find the willpower, for now, to focus because my headaches are really wearing me out. And to make matters worst, things haven't been going very well between mother and i ever since i returned home after exams.

It really gets quite depressing at times and i wish jas could be around all the time to render me support, especially when i'm at home. My heacaches are just so pain these days that i can't even properly spend time with her without letting my buring eyes and head take my concentration away from her.

It got so bad this morning that jas decided to bring me to the clinic where i learned ( and surprised to find out ) that i was still having fever after so many days. Turned out i had a viral infection from the dive trip. The doctor kinda insisted on having an mc for tomorrow. HOW I WISH I REALLY COULD USE IT TO SLACK FOR ONE MORE DAY..

But...

Unfortunately..

tomorrow's the first bloody day of intern so i can't take mc.

!@#$@#%#$@~!@

I really hate coming home now. It's like I have to force myself to be rude to my mother and to not care about my mother just so i can convince myself that i'm fine with her favourtism. And this whole fucking issue is going way overboard. It was bad enough that her attitude took a 180 degree turn ever since i came home from exams. But the ridiculous-ness of her behavior 2 days ago really turned me off and i guess the partially surpressed anger within me just escalated beyond my control. Anyhow, i guess my anger doesn't really bother her now since she has such filial sons.
Sigh,
i really wish dad could be around. I don't know if it would actually be a good thing but for now, i would really like to think of the different instances where he could have helped me while she goes ahead and love her boys. Don't misunderstand me now, I have no ill feelings towards them. I guess our r/s have improved since we were young but there are so many things which my mother are blinded from and i really wish she could open her eyes and see.

Things are only becoming so well now because of the reimbursements etc etc etc you've been receiving and flaunting. I love you mother but REALLY, you should open your eyes if not your heart.

After 52's bbq yest, jas and i stayed over at sylvia's house. It was really beautiful what with her pool table and all and i had a few good hours to see her family this morning. And the difference in their family structure struck me. It's easy to differentiate. Her family's one of love, faith and trust. Mine's more occupied with anger and being in power. I guess the greatest difference was that with a balanced family structure, they had no conflicting hieriechy between the males and the females. My family, on the end (including the extended ones), are obsessed with having male dominance. In another words, males = authority here. Yet more often than not, the past 2 generations have seen these initially powerless women suddenly thrown into the position of maintaining the family. Well, I guess I can safely say that this completely and totally screwed up the entire family culture even more.

uh oh. Here comes the pain again.

So, bye.

I wish i'm rich so i won't need to see this shit.
I wish you could open your eyes so you chould SEE better.

The mother who calls me when i'm in hall and shows that tremendous amount of concern and the mother who's sleeping behind me right now is so different.

:))))))))


Most of all, most of all,
it's built to last.

I thought because NUS's papers starts this week, it'll be a good time to mambo jumbo this wed to beat the crowd. So we started rallying people to come along and movveeeee but i went to facebook and saw this:

"Yisi Ng cant wait to MAMBO on wednesdayyy."

!!! what happened to your exams?!

haha..

Anyway, yep, the final paper has officially ended. But i'm not allowed to do anything coz she still has one paper tomorrow. ( And i'm like a jail bird now coz i can't watch show or play viwawa or play puzzle bee coz it'll distract her and i have to feed her while she studies. -_-'' )

But that's besides the point. I can't wait for tomorrow coz we're FINALLY going out of NTU. I've runned out of soap, of facial wash, of conditioner and of mouth wash. It's really high time the exams ended.

Dive Redang's coming up in 6 days. Really excited to go for advanced but kinda skeptical, i guess, about the rush. Thanks to Yvonne 51, we're able to cramp our advanced into 2 days which means we'll be damn shagged every night. Thank god sharm's gonna come with us to watch out for our safety. hope we pass hope we pass. After that, we can try for Dive Master and we'll be able to work part time!

Ok, i know i'm sounding KINDA bimbo right now.. but i'm really really psyched about having finished exams, kuishinbo ( now where did that come from? ), mambo and redang trip.

3 cheers for hiang en for planning oec!

sidenote: a million thanks to shu juan who msged me every night before my papers for luck. =))