:)))))))))



Every other time.

China Sichuan Earthquake * 因为爱

No matter how much tears we shed or how our hearts go out to them, we can never truly understand how the survivals must feel. especially the mothers.

Even if we're out there at ground zero, only grieve will overcome us. what we cannot experience, however, is the pain these parents must be feeling.

Although i'm no ardent advocate, pray. whatever ur religion is, pray for the victims, pray for the survivals, pray for china. They are humans too and who are we to live happily here while there are still people out there, recovering from the shock and coping with their greieves.

There are talks that YMCA may be planning for a year end volunteer trip to Sichuan to help rebuild the lives of the survivals. To those who can go, please go. To those who can't, do something you can..

Donating money may bet too taxing for some who don't have spare cash themselves. why not do this..

instead of buying ur regularheavy breakfast, grab a 'happy panda' bread from breadtalk and have it for breakfast every morning. it costs $2 and 100% of the proceeds goes to help sichuan victims.

They really don't deserve this. Do your best to help them ease their worries.

When the children cry
Let them know we tried
´cause when the children sings
The new world begins

Heading for a burn-out.

I am an irresponsible leader.
I have failed to watch out and feel for my team.

dear bole,

i really can't cope. and i really hate you.

Love,
Yvonne.

since my return from redang, i've been burdened by really terrible headaches which makes my brain feels stiff and body weak. Worst yet, i feel like i've been possessed daily - with my eyes often not fixed on anything or mind not concentrating on anything. Sadly, and with much much regrets, i haven't been putting my best efforts in ocip and i hope with all my heart that the team understands that i just cannot find the willpower, for now, to focus because my headaches are really wearing me out. And to make matters worst, things haven't been going very well between mother and i ever since i returned home after exams.

It really gets quite depressing at times and i wish jas could be around all the time to render me support, especially when i'm at home. My heacaches are just so pain these days that i can't even properly spend time with her without letting my buring eyes and head take my concentration away from her.

It got so bad this morning that jas decided to bring me to the clinic where i learned ( and surprised to find out ) that i was still having fever after so many days. Turned out i had a viral infection from the dive trip. The doctor kinda insisted on having an mc for tomorrow. HOW I WISH I REALLY COULD USE IT TO SLACK FOR ONE MORE DAY..

But...

Unfortunately..

tomorrow's the first bloody day of intern so i can't take mc.

!@#$@#%#$@~!@

I really hate coming home now. It's like I have to force myself to be rude to my mother and to not care about my mother just so i can convince myself that i'm fine with her favourtism. And this whole fucking issue is going way overboard. It was bad enough that her attitude took a 180 degree turn ever since i came home from exams. But the ridiculous-ness of her behavior 2 days ago really turned me off and i guess the partially surpressed anger within me just escalated beyond my control. Anyhow, i guess my anger doesn't really bother her now since she has such filial sons.
Sigh,
i really wish dad could be around. I don't know if it would actually be a good thing but for now, i would really like to think of the different instances where he could have helped me while she goes ahead and love her boys. Don't misunderstand me now, I have no ill feelings towards them. I guess our r/s have improved since we were young but there are so many things which my mother are blinded from and i really wish she could open her eyes and see.

Things are only becoming so well now because of the reimbursements etc etc etc you've been receiving and flaunting. I love you mother but REALLY, you should open your eyes if not your heart.

After 52's bbq yest, jas and i stayed over at sylvia's house. It was really beautiful what with her pool table and all and i had a few good hours to see her family this morning. And the difference in their family structure struck me. It's easy to differentiate. Her family's one of love, faith and trust. Mine's more occupied with anger and being in power. I guess the greatest difference was that with a balanced family structure, they had no conflicting hieriechy between the males and the females. My family, on the end (including the extended ones), are obsessed with having male dominance. In another words, males = authority here. Yet more often than not, the past 2 generations have seen these initially powerless women suddenly thrown into the position of maintaining the family. Well, I guess I can safely say that this completely and totally screwed up the entire family culture even more.

uh oh. Here comes the pain again.

So, bye.

I wish i'm rich so i won't need to see this shit.
I wish you could open your eyes so you chould SEE better.

The mother who calls me when i'm in hall and shows that tremendous amount of concern and the mother who's sleeping behind me right now is so different.

:))))))))


Most of all, most of all,
it's built to last.

I thought because NUS's papers starts this week, it'll be a good time to mambo jumbo this wed to beat the crowd. So we started rallying people to come along and movveeeee but i went to facebook and saw this:

"Yisi Ng cant wait to MAMBO on wednesdayyy."

!!! what happened to your exams?!

haha..

Anyway, yep, the final paper has officially ended. But i'm not allowed to do anything coz she still has one paper tomorrow. ( And i'm like a jail bird now coz i can't watch show or play viwawa or play puzzle bee coz it'll distract her and i have to feed her while she studies. -_-'' )

But that's besides the point. I can't wait for tomorrow coz we're FINALLY going out of NTU. I've runned out of soap, of facial wash, of conditioner and of mouth wash. It's really high time the exams ended.

Dive Redang's coming up in 6 days. Really excited to go for advanced but kinda skeptical, i guess, about the rush. Thanks to Yvonne 51, we're able to cramp our advanced into 2 days which means we'll be damn shagged every night. Thank god sharm's gonna come with us to watch out for our safety. hope we pass hope we pass. After that, we can try for Dive Master and we'll be able to work part time!

Ok, i know i'm sounding KINDA bimbo right now.. but i'm really really psyched about having finished exams, kuishinbo ( now where did that come from? ), mambo and redang trip.

3 cheers for hiang en for planning oec!

sidenote: a million thanks to shu juan who msged me every night before my papers for luck. =))

Off to fight my final war.

There's always this glee and excitement when one goes for their final paper. So doesn't matter that i didn't really study this time.

AHAHAHAHA.

Hello yvonne goh, it's your final paper. Don't give up now!

Classic Commercial - British Airways (1990) (1:30 Version)

One of the best indeed.

Day(s) check: 5 more days to end of exams ; 6 more days to end of my baby's exams [she made me put this.] ; 11 more days to redang dive ; 3 more months to ocip, shanghai. WOO HOO!

Reality check: 3 bloody more days to imc paper ; 5 even more bloody days to Channels paper. ( which i haven't studied and don't have time to. )

Why am i still here?

In accounting,
understanding is one thing.
Application is another.

That's why i hate accounting.

BUT I STILL HAVE TO TAKE IT TML!

if god brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

You know how it's like during exams.

TV seems to be the most enticing thing in the world and no matter how stupid a show is, you'll feel like watching it just so you can escape from studying.

Well, Jasmine fell prey to it AGAIN a couple of nights ago. ( or was it every night? haha. ) Anyway, there was this very stupid zhong yi jie mu on channel U. Those i absolutely hate but jasmine and pl absolutely loves. But this time, when the tv was on, both jasmine and i jumped onto the bed immediately and stayed glued to it till the end of the show.

Not because it's the exams and not because the show was nice. But because...


WE WERE BUSY SNAPPING KL!









oh look, she likes to dance too!

How dumb.
We missed the hall application deadline.


F**K!

*sniff sniff.
*cough cough.
*sneeze sneeze.


Sigh..

Sick again.

i guess i have a knack for letting opportunities slip through my fingers.



Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well?
Well of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best?
Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need.
And you decided it?
Mmm, what you say?
What did she say?

It's scary when you realise how competitive uni is when one sits back and think of the good old days.

Have been thinking alot about those uniform days lately. As much as we hated it then, i miss the uniforms. Both the greens and the blues.

I miss kl.
I miss sj.
I miss 3sa.

I know..there are many more i am not listing but one way or another, the 3 of them have been by my side all the time. And i bet that if i were in the same classes as them now, i wouldn't feel the way i'm feeling.

I guess the best thing is, we tend to watch each other's back. And that's a virtue that everyone's losing right now. In our fight for success, for recognition and most disgustingly, results, do we find ourselves stepping on top of one another? Pushing the other person down just so he/she can be your platform to bring you closer to the top?

I do find myself doing that once in a while. Or just contemplating whether i should. It's a far cry from what others have done but i still feel guilty each time. Even if what i did was to raise myself to the other person's shoulder, i still feel guilty. And i find myself wondering if others feel guilty as well. And if they did, why are they not showing it?

Why are they blatantly telling lies in front of us when we went through it together? And why are we not saying anything to defend ourselves? Everyone's action's a big question mark.

This sem, things are a little.. different. I guess you can say that like others, i have changed too. Changed to be more detestful than before. More..unsure to make decisions. More hum to make comments. More unwilling to make the move.

Sometimes i feel that shutting my trap is a good idea coz more trouble's gonna brew if the beans were spilled. But at other times, i feel deeply framed and made used of that i just wanna scream at everyone to shut up and reflect on their own actions.

Sigh..

what's a sec sch / jc teachers' pet as compared to a uni's?

Like what the older people tend to say, " chong ming fan bei chong ming hai " ( Ie, the smarter you are, the more trouble you'll lay out for yourself. )

If only we are all as sincere, true and naive as ah wang.