After all your manipulation and abusive words and behaviour, why do I still feel so obliged to help you this time. Even when it has NOTHING to do with me and it's a holiday meant for you, your mum and your sons?

fuck you conscience.

I gave you my music, made your song take wing.
And now how you repay me.
Denied me and betrayed me.

The only time mother talks to me now, is when she needs me to do mindless jobs at home such as bring in the dishes, wash grandma's plates, wash grandma's aircon, change the lightbulb, fix the printer and so on.

Thereafter, not a single word of acknowledgement. No thank yous or welcome homes. Only blames and accusations. The most optimistic being mindless nods of head - clearly not listening, not even hearing a single thing I'm trying to say.

This evening, she confided/complained to EE that ah ma practices double standards between her and her brothers. Does she know that she's doing the same thing to me.. with the only difference being, I haven't got no sister to talk to like her?

ouch.

POTO is great not only for its songs, but also for the nostalgia that comes with the memories of Yellowstone.

These are the tunes that put me to zzz almost every night, the tunes I listen to whenever possible or the ones I hum to whilst in the kitchen with Orval and Matej.

These are the songs that I sing when I do my laundry on cold afternoons. My off-days were practically dedicated to POTO while I ponder if I should've gone to the store to visit Kelsey, or Mara or Karolina or Agata. It is the song that rings in my head when I caved and stole quick glances.

These were the songs I made Jasmine stop to listen to on the streets of Las Vegas where she refused to watch the play with me. The songs I listened to so earnestly when we were slacking in 'Terribles Hotel Room'.

I sang, I hummed, I even opera-ed them. And while everyone is getting quite irritated by my renditions, I never grew sick of them.

POTO reminds me of how cold the air was when we crossed over for lunch/dinner at the EDR. It reminds of how cold it may get at night or the little times I felt lonely. But more often than not, it brings back the warmth I also felt the bulk of the time I was there.

And on days as gloomy as today, POTO will once again bring me that warmth.. solitude becomes less of a cold lonely night when the voice of the phantom rages within.

Feels like I'm losing every ounce of spirit, motivation and drive.

The Phantom of the Opera - No one would listen

Beautiful, beautiful voice.

mother is reverting back to her old self.

Be it at Bozeman, outside Wal-Mart.

Or some random road at West Yellowstone.

Nothing can beat moments and companies like those.

Our hopes and expecatations,

black holes and revelations!

Can't believe Esther and her little Evangelia are leaving on Wednesday.

I hate goodbyes. Absolutely hate them.